The Official Writing Challenge
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Kept me captivated the whole way through here. Is this written from experience or imagination? I have read a lot of scenes like this and I really think yours captures it well.
This is a profound story.

There were times when I needed to reread to get the entire meaning.

It is a tale of heartbreak and of a girl longing for a positive role model. The ending was divine (although I would have thought He'd call her by her birth name, not Crystal)

But even if I felt confused for a second or two, it is a story that many should read. For the message is important, and if parents only knew how much their actions can change their children, the world would be a safer place.
08/13/10
I like the way you allude to the sin without spelling it out. You tell a hard story without bathing us in the sordid details. There are so many girls like this one. A wonderful reminder that we need to keep these girls in prayer!
Well told account of such a heartbreaking truth in this world. It chilled me to my bones and yet captivated me with expectant hope as I kept reading, which you wrapped up and ended with....excellently!
08/30/10
I think you pulled off this "Sam Spade" style genre very well. Poetic but deliberately understated offering a a believable though tarnished reality. The ending was fitting but of course very unlike most detective novels