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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Hotel/Motel (09/12/05)

TITLE: Lucius Satanas: Hotel-Owner Extraordinaire
By J. C. Lamont
09/13/05


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Lucius Satanas grinned as he strode into the elevator of his hotel and pressed the “1” button. His routine tour was the most favorite part of his day. The only thing he disliked about Hotel Erets was the 7th floor, which he had been forced to lease out.

The doors opened and floor one revealed a host of malevolent villains. Lucius didn’t need to leave the elevator; everything on this floor was intact.

Onto floor two. Here dwelt the intellectuals. Huddled together, they discussed the plausibility of Hotel Erets construction without an architect.

Now for the third floor. Here the bitter and hurt resided. It pleased Lucius that many of their scars stemmed from insensitive encounters with wandering 7th floor occupants.

Raucous music floated into the elevator from the fourth floor before the doors even opened. Scantily dressed girls and intoxicated men danced under flashing florescent lights. Lucius chuckled, noticing a few 7th floor occupants also enjoying the festivities.

Floor five. The spiritual seekers. In one corner, a group absorbed in deep meditation; in another, a pleasant discussion on becoming one with the divine.

The sixth floor occupants, intrigued with the 7th floor, were always just one step away from joining them.

Lucius shook his head. “If only it wasn’t so intolerant,” he said sympathetically. Many nodded in agreement.

Confined to the elevator, Lucius scoped out the 7th floor inhabitants. Many were sleeping, some were busy with their lives, and others were engaged in heated arguments.

Satisfied with his tour, Lucius grinned, until a twenty-something girl entered the elevator, a backpack casually slung over her shoulder.

“Go back where you belong, Jordan,” Lucius hissed. “Your past is too blemished.”

“My past is just that,” she said lazily as she pressed button “6”. “In the past.”

“Your Uncle is here,” Lucius taunted as the doors opened. “Give up. He never listens anyway.”

Jordan left the elevator briefly and placed a Christian novel on top of her Uncle’s copy of the Da Vinci code.

She stepped back in and pressed button “5”.

“You’re wasting your time here, you know that,” Lucius said as the doors opened on the spiritual seekers.

“David,” she yelled to a young man who smiled and waved. “Catch!” She tossed him a Christian CD from her backpack.

“Thanks!” he said.

She leaned forward to press button “3” but Lucius stepped in the way. “You don’t want to forget a floor, do you, my dear?”

The doors opened to the fourth four and Jordan caught a glimpse of a young man sitting at the bar, alone.

“Look, there is the one you love,” Lucius said. “The one whose voice makes your heart flutter. Why live without him? Why forsake love? Why serve a merciless Master who withholds that which you need the most—”

“That’s where you wrong!” she retorted, but not before brushing away a tear. “It’s only your lies that tell me that is what I need. It’s my fault I let my heart wander, not His.”

Lucius laughed as the doors opened again. “And what do you possibly think you can accomplish here? You, yourself, resided here, among the hurt and bitter, for over a decade.”

Pushing past him, Jordan poured some water into a battered, chipped cup. “If you are truly thirsty,” she said gently, “you will drink from an imperfect cup.”

A few thanked her, sipping from the cup, and Jordan told them there was more on the 7th floor. Though most blew her off, a few muttered a quiet, “maybe next time”.

She entered the elevator again. Lucius didn’t even bother to comment. She was out of her league amongst the intellectuals. But he scowled as she pulled a handful of seeds from her backpack and tossed them into the air.

“Since you have finally reached the conclusion that it is improbable for this hotel to have built itself,” she said, “have you ever considered believing in the One who claims to be its Architect?”

The elevator doors opened to the first floor.

“Oh, please,” Lucius rolled his eyes. “These lowlifes won’t even let you off the elevator.”

Withdrawing her last item, she blew prayers into the air. As they floated throughout the floor, like an evanescent array of bubbles, she knew it was time to go back. She needed refreshment.

“You have failed,” Lucius gloated. “Not one person has followed you!”

“That is not my job,” she said. As they reached the 7th floor, she smiled sweetly. “Goodbye, Lucius. See you tomorrow.”


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This article has been read 1323 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Pat Guy 09/19/05
Ok - so this is a WOW entry - I'm jealous. But wonderously so! :)
Brandi Roberts09/19/05
Agreed - this entry rocks! A definite winner! Thanks for sharing!
Kyle Chezum09/19/05
Way to go! This was awesome! I think this has a strong chance of getting published in a Christian magazine. Go for it! You've done well.
Lauren Bombardier09/19/05
I agree with Kyle. This is a wonderful piece.
Debra Brand09/19/05
Such a unique piece! Awesome viewpoint and setting. Great work!
Phyllis Inniss 09/19/05
Unique presentation. Very good.
Karen Ward09/19/05
Excellent concept, well presented. This is great. Well done!
Anita Neuman09/19/05
BRILLIANT! ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT!!!!!!!! Just completely, totally, and in all ways BRILLIANT!
Amy Michelle Wiley 09/19/05
I love it! I liked the implications of the description of the 7th floor--good things to remember to stay away from.
Julianne Jones09/20/05
This was so-o-o-o-o creative. A sure winner! Well done.
Alexandra Wilkin09/20/05
Great imagary, very creative. You have a wonderfully distinct voice - the young girl is a great central character and this is definatly my favourite of the 'hotel as hell' entries. God bless.
Maxx .09/20/05
Imaginative, creative, out of the box ... ya gotta love it! Since it is so strong I will pick at it a bit. One shortfall in my eyes... just one. We spend time with Lucius going up to each floor and then spend time again with Jordan coming back down to each floor. Thats 14 stops in 750 words. Hard to fully engage each setting as well as possible that way. That said, the relationship between Jordan and Lucius was done quite well. Clear a spot on your mantle ... looks like a winner to me!
Lynda Lee Schab 09/20/05
I had to read this slowly to capture everything this piece contained. Awesome work! Seems to be unanimous - this one deserves to be on top.
Excellent, creative writing - well done!
Blessings, Lynda
Jan Ackerson 09/21/05
I will add my "bravo" to all the rest. Way to go!
Suzanne R09/23/05
And ditto to the above - this was such a unique take on the topic, and very well written.
Garnet Miller 09/23/05
One may plant, another may water, but it is God who gives the increase! Great story.
Shari Armstrong 09/23/05
This was great!!!!!!! What else is there to say?
Amy Verlennich09/23/05
I have goose bumps... they're just now going away... absolutely amazing! I loved this! Brilliant! Can I say more? This HAS to win! Wonderfully written, terribly creative... God did magic in this one! An early congrats to you! Blessings, Amy Verlennich
janet rubin09/24/05
You are Author Extraordinaire! You don't need me to tell you how great this was!
Deborah Porter 09/26/05
JC, due to a lack of judges for the Hotel/Motel Challenge, I was judging all three levels. When I read your entry, I just wrote one word next to it - "EXCELLENT." Truly, you are going from strenght to strength. I know that you still see the flaws, but it's that incredible commitment to excellence that is seeing you doing so well week after week. Congratulations on an extremely well deserved win. With love, Deb (Challenge Coordinator)
Debbie OConnor09/26/05
Wow! I see why you took first here. Excellent, excellent story. I loved every single line.
Joseph Civitella09/26/05
Congratulations, JC! This is a great story with an very imaginative streak to it. I'm left wondering what you would have done with the story and characters if you hadn't limited yourself to a word count. I'm looking forward to perhaps one day reading the full-length version.
Crista Darr09/28/05
Excellent. So very creative!
Nina Phillips09/30/05
JC your story is really captivating and elevating I might add. Congratulations..very excellent!! I liked the end so much when Jordan said, "that's not my job."
God bless ya, and many more I hope to come,
littlelight
Sandra Petersen 10/01/05
I read this to my preteen and teenager because I thought it was so exceptional. Couldn't comment before this because I didn't have computer access for awhile. By the way, my teenager understood the symbolism.
B Brenton10/04/05
I finally got around to reading this. It is amazing. Praise the Lord for this awesome piece of writing and congrats to you.
Big open handed applause from me.
B Brenton10/04/05
I finally got around to reading this. It is amazing. Praise the Lord for this awesome piece of writing and congrats to you.
Big open handed applause from me.
Genstacia Bull11/10/05
Well done, this article ministered to me in more ways than one. Congratulations on wining first place you deserve it