The Official Writing Challenge
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Wow this was paced just perfect for all of the excitement and suspense. I held my breath even though I knew Grandpa would come to the rescue. Great read.
Magic eyes - cool!
My heart was in my throat and pounding as hard as if it had been me. Loved the suspense and energy in this.
I pictured myself reading as fast as you were running. I was totally THERE with you on the escalator straining to see around the corner all the way to the elevator... tears clouding my view... hahaha
08/03/10
This is good!

I felt like there was a lot of telling, especailly in the first part of the elevator story, rather than showing. Show us how "stuck" that bag was, and let us "hear" that scream, rather than just telling us about it.

I love the line about the people "parting as if ordered by Moses." :)
08/03/10
oh wow! The fear was tangible. I was so relieved to read your happy ending! All parents and grandparents would love to have those magic eyes. :)