The Official Writing Challenge
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This was an exciting version and I enjoyed it.

Remember to capitalize new sentences inside the quotation marks.

I really enjoyed seeing this Bible story through your eyes.
Sorry about the quotation comment. I'd mixed your story a up. I thought you had done it several times, but it was only once near the end. I still really enjoyed this version of the old familiar Bible story. You did a great job.
Clever and creative retelling of this Bible story. The narrator's dialogue style is not what I "think" I would hear from those days, but still...nice "re"storytelling going on here. :)
This sounds like me when I'm telling stories to my Children's Church class. Sometimes telling an old story with modern words helps people understand it in a different way. Good job with your article, and thank you for pointing us to scripture.
Loved your take on this Bible story even though the expressions obviously wouldn't have been used back then (freaked out, for instance). I think the younger audience will especially love it.
Congratulations for placing in the top 15 of your level and in the top 40 overall!