The Official Writing Challenge
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This was an exciting version and I enjoyed it.

Remember to capitalize new sentences inside the quotation marks.

I really enjoyed seeing this Bible story through your eyes.
Sorry about the quotation comment. I'd mixed your story a up. I thought you had done it several times, but it was only once near the end. I still really enjoyed this version of the old familiar Bible story. You did a great job.
Clever and creative retelling of this Bible story. The narrator's dialogue style is not what I "think" I would hear from those days, but still...nice "re"storytelling going on here. :)
This sounds like me when I'm telling stories to my Children's Church class. Sometimes telling an old story with modern words helps people understand it in a different way. Good job with your article, and thank you for pointing us to scripture.
08/04/10
Loved your take on this Bible story even though the expressions obviously wouldn't have been used back then (freaked out, for instance). I think the younger audience will especially love it.
Congratulations for placing in the top 15 of your level and in the top 40 overall!