The Official Writing Challenge
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09/12/05
Fascinating story. I love the way you weaved the echoes into his thoughts. Brilliant.
09/14/05
Ooooh, I want to know what's going to happen next! Can people really do that to themselves? Interesting and unusual!
God Bless, Karen
09/14/05
I was a little bit puzzled in the beginning, and by the sudden shift from Andy to Matty. But the paragraph that takes place in Andy's dead is a masterpiece of writing.
09/14/05
Amazing. Dark stuff!
09/14/05
Rats, I meant Andys' head.
O-o-oo...I can still hear and feel the reverberations! Great effect!
I agree with Jan, and maybe just an extra line of space to seperate the two sections would be all you'd need to make the transition a little more obvious.

I loved the echos blending from one thought to the next. I could never have done that so well, so I hesitate to even mention this, but...All the echo sentences were fairly short except the one revealing his crime. The length made it not flow as well and felt more forced. It is a very important line, so maybe break it into two echos or possibly make a few of the others longer to blend it? But like I already said, way better than most of us could ever hope to pull it off! Great job!
09/17/05
I really like the self-talk section inside Andy's head. Well done! I want to re-read it and soak it all in. An interesting take on 'Bon Voyage'. Good job!
09/17/05
A little confusing at first, but the confusion makes sense later. A very intersting take on the topic!
09/17/05
I truly enjoyed the suspenseful beginning. I wonder if Andy is talking to his former self or is God speaking to him?? If it is God, why does he call him by his alias?? Still, intriguing and well written.
09/17/05
Very out of the box. Excelelnt.
09/18/05
Yeg, you've done Bon Voyage good. Very well done. Brilliant, advanced work. I ought to read more of your stuff. :) Thanks for the read.
09/18/05
Yes, this officially counts as out of the box. Very nice work. Held my attention all the way through. :-)
09/18/05
Wow, it must have been some experience writing this. Great stuff!