The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
07/22/10
I have to say that I really liked the story, but the ending (while I'm sure this is the point of your message) left me dismayed and disappointed. Word count is a problem, I know, but I hope you'll consider a redo with an alternate, more satisfying, conclusion. You gave us clues that Karen had suffered losses her sisters didn't. I'd like to see how you flesh out this very real-life character and bring her through to wholeness.
07/23/10
Good message. When we cast our bread upon the waters, it DOES come back to us. We simply cannot out-give God! (A lot being said between the lines...my favorite place to read). :0)
Oh this is such a wonderful parable. I loved it. The first couple of paragraphs were a tad long, but then when I got to the middle of the story. I found myself holding my breath, the pace was perfect and I enjoyed it to the end.
I like the ending, I know it's a matter of preference, but I remember someone telling me my ending should be all happy and flowers, but that wasn't the message I needed to tell. If you like your ending, you should stick with it. After all, unfortunately life is not full of happy ends. I generally applaud a writer who chooses an ending that may not satisfy everyone. It takes a lot of courage to do what you think works. The count does limit us and I could see you going quite far with these well-developed characters.
Cleverly written message using that drink (which by the, if real...want the recipe. :)
So liked the 4th ingredient!

This definitely has the makings for a book about how the sisters became estranged and where their individual lives took them before being reunited "years" later through this drink.
What a fun story. I'd never thought before of drinks being nicer when they are shared, but I suppose it's probably true.

I didn't mind your ending it on a sad note. What confused me was that I didn't understand Karen's motivation for not sharing the drink. I can see she's meant to be the "mean" sister, but I don't know enough about her to understand why. Perhaps, if you'd had more room, you could have opened her up a little more so we could understand her better.

I don't know if that helps any, but I tried. Thanks for writing an interesting story. I enjoyed reading it. :)
07/27/10
I like Shann's description of "parable" for this story because it does teach a valuable lesson. I too like that 4th all-important ingredient. It would be helpful if you would break up the first two paragraphs some, it would make the flow of the story easier to read. Over-all it was a great story.
07/28/10
I was totally engaged in your story! You have a supurb underlying message. I wouldn't mind having a peek and a taste of that recipe. :) Great work!