The Official Writing Challenge
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An entertaining story & I liked reading about the adventure MC & Jasper had. I could see this expanded into a series. It seems the MC’s voice changes back and forth a bit though, from appropriately backcountry rough to something more grammatically correct (ie: sumpthin’ and something, etc). I think I would have enjoyed it even more with the MC narrating consistently in authentic dialect.

A couple of favorite phrases: “Yup… froze my liver and my gizzard”. “I reckon I had a bit of her mud in my eyes as they seemed a bit watery.”
07/15/10
I loved this story, too, but did notice the man jumped out of the rough dialogue at times. Other than that, though, Wow! Great writing. I would like to know what the next adventure is!
I liked your cowboy adventure. Like others, I'd like to have seen the dialect all the way through--an easy fix for a good story.
07/18/10
Clever Story. We just cantered right along with you!
Good writing. Blessings, Ruth
07/19/10
A great story. Very well written. Well done.
This is a great story; it has just the right amount of tension and conflict.

I was distracted a bit by the cowboy lingo. At times it seemed too much, at other times you toned it down and it was easier to read while it still maintained the authenticity of the dialogue.

I give you 5 stars for creativity. It was a wonderful ides to base the topic not only on the horse's hearing but on the MC as well. The ending was perfect and left me with a smile.
07/20/10
I'm a sucker for westerns, anything with horses and cowboys, so I enjoyed this very much.
You did a great job in making the reader search along with the MC for the sound.
Mona
Loved the story! Could picture it all as I read!
Did not really pick up on the change in lingo, except for one area. That is when the MC called the child "Princess" That seemed out of character to me.
07/21/10
Wow! This must have been a complicated story to write all that 'critter' twang. I think you would have needed to unraffle your thoughts after writing this. You need a diploma for effort here. Thanks! Colin.
07/21/10
Usually, I don't like it when a thick dialect/accent is carried heavily throughout a story but I personally think it worked here. I enjoyed the drama and the happy ending as well. Love the fact that he had a little mud in his eyes...made me chuckle.
can I tell you what I did? I pretended the first sentence wasn't there and then I was immediately in the story w/ no hesitation. So, ignoring that- I loved it. I agree w/ the others that maybe another run-through on the dialogue might have helped it flow a little better. But all in all, it was a great read. And I love the mud in his eyes making them watery line, too. :) good stuff.

I think you've got a really lovely story. glad you tossed that brick!
07/21/10
OoOoOo, I like rescue stories. And cowboys. Lol. Yes'm. I reckon I liked it. :)
07/21/10
So good to see you entering challenges again!

I liked the horse sense of this story. I'm a bit of a drama person and would have injured the little girl. Not bad ;) just enough to add drama. I also am one who likes a strong finish and felt this could have used some oomph.

I loved the way the horse came to life. The phrase "ground-eating gallop" caught my imagination and I could see the dirt and grass kicking up behind them.
Congratulations for placing in the top 15 of your level and the top 40 overall.
07/22/10
I like cowboy tales, too, and this one had me ridin' with horse and cowboy!