The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
07/15/10
Great title,and very well done! You tie it all together perfectly!
The paragraphs were well-divided, but too many sentences were dropped to the next line and there were a few missing commas. However, the story was good with an unexpected twist.
07/20/10
The ending nearly gave me chills! Great twist there. Good thing Marcus knew what that lady had heard, otherwise his girlfriend would be doomed and he'd never know. A follow-up would be cool to see what happens! :D

I, too, noticed that a few commas were missing. With those added, the story would be a real "killer." ;)
Congratulations for placing in the top 15 of your level and in the top 40 overall.
This is such a wonderful and suspenseful story. I smell a novel with these wonderful characters.