The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
07/16/10
It worried me that a mother would leave her five year old child with a father who seemed incapable of caring for her. Would have liked a bit more background as to what made the father come looking for his daughter. Without that the ending felt somewhat forced.
I was glad for the father's awakening from his war- experiences induced lethargy. I liked the descriptions of the child playing in the creek. It would have been helpful if you'd explained a little more about the purpose of the mother leaving so young a child with her dad.
07/20/10
Scary scenario, but a parent's love pulled him through the fog.. I love happy endings! Blessings,Ruth