Home Read What's New Join
My Account Login

Read Our Devotional             2016 Opportunities to be Published             Detailed Navigation

The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge



how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level


submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners

Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.



how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Hear (07/08/10)

TITLE: Lost: Links of Communication
By Anita van der Elst


First conscious awareness—pain. Pinching-stapling-in-a-vertical-line-from-bellybutton-to-top-of-pubic-bone pain. I don’t want to move. Of its own volition, my hand reaches, encounters thick bandage. What’s happened? I can’t remember. Eyes still shuttered, I moan. No one responds. I want…I need to be heard, touched, comforted.

“Is anyone there?” I whimper. “Please, someone.”


I force my eyes open to shadows. Metal rails guard me on both sides. A hospital bed. My left arm is leashed by an I.V. and immobilized with a splint.

Pain comes in waves. I gasp.

“Ooooooh, please, where is everybody? Help me.” My voice, held captive by stale anesthesia, rasps. “Can’t anyone hear me?”

Memory joggles. Somewhere there is something to press, a connection to the nurse. My free right hand gropes in the gloom. Not looped on the bed rail. Above my pillow? No. Where? Ah, to my left, just at the edge of the mattr…No! Oh, fumbling fingers! The call button on its cord slaps to the floor. Out of reach. Who will hear me now? How will they hear me now?

Bed sheets rustle from the other side of the room. I turn my head to the left. Ghastly green curtain blocks my view. But someone is there.

“Hello?” Hoarse, barely serviceable, my voice tries to resurrect. “Can you hear me?”

A low buzzing followed by a whistle is my only answer. How can she snore when I’m in such misery?

Tears creep up ducts and spill. I am completely alone. Hospital full of helpers and no way to gain their assistance.

My body reacts. I gulp in and expel air in sobs. More pain. This is not helping. I calm myself but it’s too late. Agony has found a home in my abdomen. And I realize now that the ever-growing bulge that preceded my every journey for the last few months is no longer in evidence.

“Where’s my baby? Did my baby make it?” If a whisper could be a shout, this would be it.

I try to roll over, thinking to stretch my hand through the railing to the floor. Fetch back that errant line, reel in the catch of the day. Riptides of pain pull me into the dark depths. To dreaming memory.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Driving the freeways through downtown L.A. on a sunny day. To the sides and above graffiti spouts gang possessions. Movement on the overpass ahead. Boys running. Are those guns they’re carrying? Probably just studio props. I reassure myself.

Distraction arrests me—a Harley-Davidson swerving from behind, passing, cutting in front, lawnmower-engine roaring and popping. The semi to my right bellows as the chopper darts in front to make the exit ramp. The popping continues. Surprising that my ears pick it up long after the motorcycle is out of view.

The guns point from the overpass. My windshield disintegrates, splinters flying. Not motorcycle popping! Not studio props! Wind rushing past my ears, shrieking tires, screaming voice. Mine.

Blood. Again, mine.

From the window of a car to my left, the black snout of an AK47 sniffs the air like a killer dog. “Stop!” My screech directed towards it has no affect. It doesn’t listen. It barks. Boys’ bodies hurtle from the overpass, their guns end-over-end alongside. As traffic skids and crashes, the shooter’s car speeds away. Hands cradling my belly, I sink into blessed blackness.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Ma’am? Can you hear me?” I link to words like life preservers floating near my bed.

“Yes,” I breathe shallowly, my eyes barely slit. “I hear you. Please help.”

Through the dimness a face bends down, passes by the bed railings.

“You dropped this.”

The lost link is pressed into my hand. A way to communicate in my crisis, to cry out my need, my pain.

“Thank you,” I sigh. The girl in the candy-striped pinafore pats my hand.

“I brought these flowers up for you.” She directs my gaze to the windowsill. A teddy bear, holding a vase of blue irises, eyes me back.

“Let me pin that call button to your pillow. You never know when you’ll need to get someone’s attention.” Her voice encourages me, gives comfort.

She exits, holding the door open for a bassinet. Its rubber wheeled squeaking invades the room, introduces the sound I’ve almost died waiting for. The sweet wail of my healthy baby boy.

The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.

This article has been read 706 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Lisa Keck07/15/10
Very good story and was glad to hear the baby cry at the end.
Robyn Burke07/15/10
Impressive use of descriptions and the sentence structuring makes this a striking, dramatic entry.

I was hanging on for dear life, from grasping for the out of reach call button to the screeching halt of the car ride. I felt it all.

This is one of your best yet.
Anita van der Elst07/15/10
Loved this story. Could see this woman & almost hear her saxophone. My favorite phrase: "her death was only the bridge between choruses".
Anita van der Elst07/15/10
Ooops. Meant that comment for another story. Sorry.
Verna Cole Mitchell 07/16/10
What a thriller! The ending is perfect.
Charla Diehl 07/16/10
This entry held my attention from start to finish--so glad for the baby's cry at the end.
Francy Judge 07/18/10
Just beautiful. You're a talented writer.
Ruth Brown07/18/10
You had us sitting on the edge of our seats. It was story telling at it's best. Excellent.Blessings, Ruth
Dee Yoder 07/22/10
Wow. Wonderfully suspenseful story. Love the descriptions of the flash back scene.