Iím tired, Lord. So tired. Is this how itís supposed to be? I meanÖseriously?
I thought motherhood was going to be filled with coos, cuddles and of course a little crying. But Lord, his screaming cannot be soothed. Iíve worn a path in the carpet with all my walking. Iíve fed him, changed him, burped him, and swaddled him. Nothing works, Lord. Nothing!
Iím wearing down here. Maybe Iím just not cut out to be a mother. I donít know how much more I can take, Lord. Can you make him stopÖplease?
I love him, Lord, I doÖI just need sleep.
Lord? Are you there? ĎCause I canít feel you through this pain.
Sheís so precious, Lord. So tiny. So frail. Iíve known her just a few short hours but Iíd give my life for her. Lord, it hurts so bad I can hardly breathe. Thereís a tube down her throat and machines everywhere. Lord, I watch her cry and yet I canít pick her upÖI canít hear her voiceÖI canít comfort her. I canít handle this, Lord.
You think too much of me to put me through this. Iím not who you think. I canít handle thisÖI canít.
Lord, Iím begging you please; please help herÖhelp me.
I love her so.
Hi, Lord. Yeah, I know, itís another late night conversation from me.
Our newest member of the family just woke up screaming for the third time tonight. Yes, Lord, Iím walking her and getting some great exercise in the process. She sure likes to be held. Itís all good though. Sheís such a gift.
Iíve already shown her a picture of her big sister. She looks just like her you know. Well, yeah, of course you know.
It still hurts Ė the grief Ė but Iím doing ok. This wee one has a lot to do with that. Oh, can she scream though!
Think Iíll hum to her for a bit.
Sheís asleep now Lord.
Her chest is rising and falling seamlessly matching her brotherís in the bed along the wall. How he sleeps through her outbursts, Iíll never know.
Iím overwhelmed by their existence, Lord, and so grateful. I canít take my eyes off them.
I think sleep will wait a bit tonight.
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