The Official Writing Challenge
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Good writing going on in this story. I like your use of strong nouns and verbs, vs. adjectives and adverbs, for description (e.g. "knotted into tight fists and his eyes burned fire".) You captured the conflict of teenage angst over not having the latest in techno. You presented a great lesson, learned the hard way!
I feel like printing this for a few kids to read...
Loved it from beginning to end!
Clever! What a great lesson for an ungrateful teenager. You wrote it very well - I particularly liked the humour sprinkled in to it and Travis' street-lingo.
Hey there! I loved this article, and certainly didn't expect that ending. It's a great reminder to all of us to appreciate what we have in life. Your characters stood out really well, too. They definitely seemed realistic. Good job! :)
Definitely wish I had this article when my daughter was a teenager...come to think about it, still might work on her and her "trendy gotta-haves" :) This was cute!
Very well-written and absorbing story, complete with humor and wonderfully strong imaging. Great job!
This is a great lesson and one many teens need to hear. It kept my attention all the way to the end. It was great that you took a unique ending. I was sure his friend was going to be in financial trouble or have a sibling that couldn't hear. Bravo for finding a clever ending.
Oh, praise the Lord all my kids have flown the nest. This piece brings back mixed memory feelings of parent dealings with kids' fads. Good story, well written. Thanks!
I wasn't sold on the attempt at "ghetto slang" but at least there was a moral to the story. Keep practicing.
I was expecting that the friend did not have any of the gadgets, and MC had no idea!

Great story. Enjoyed the street language too.

I loved the reference to LOW BATTERY Sign on the mother!
I like how you used actions to show emotions quite often in this story. It did seem like a lot of he's and she's esp, when he is talking to his mom.. maybe you could vary that more. Overall a great story for teens!
Ooh, I like this story. Good action, real-to-life dialogue between mother and son, and a great lesson to be learned. Super cool!
Great job of "showing" your character and teaching a lesson. Interesting story all the way through.
maybe it's my stage in life, but I'm paying a lot of attention to parents (moms particularly) in writing lately. I love this mom. I love that she's trying to be patient though the battery is low (wouldn't that be handy? leave mom alone, battery is low).

I agree that the "street language" sounds off-- but the reality is, I am very out of that loop and when my cousin comes over, I can't understand a word he says. So. take that with a grain of salt.

I think this was a great story. Enjoyable read. if my battery were fully-charged I could maybe be more helpful with some pinkish ink, but all I've got is good words today. Hope you don't mind :)
This conveys the moral behind the story very well. We should just be thankful for what we have rather than keep complaining about what we do not have. It's so difficult to convince the young these days not too stay too connected to the world. Interesting read.
What a great story about teenagers and for teenagers to read (as well as adults). God Bless. Keep writing.
Great message for teens and their parents. Yeah, the ghetto slang was a tad tame, but the dialogue with the mom was much more on target. Nicely done!
Good message on a very relevant subject. If only more kids could get a fairly harmless "wake up" call like that ;-)

Good job, girl, keep writing!