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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Hear (07/08/10)

TITLE: Mama's Coming
By Mona Purvis


I'm in trouble. Big trouble. The fear I taste makes my heart race and my breath shallow. Oh, God! Help me!

How long has it been? I've lost all count of time. It's so dark and hot.

Blackness consumes me. I see nothing. My body is deadened, drugged, frozen and paralyzed under tons of debris that once was home and comfort...until the sound. Loud rushing of a close-by train; but, I live far from any trains. The thunderstorm first woke me to pounding rain against my bedroom windows. Once awake, I watched the night sky light up with fireworks. God's fireworks, Grampa called it. Then the sound...loud, rushing like driving fast with all windows down.

If I could only move, but I'm pinned down. My right arm is under me and I try to free it. Pain shoots through me, piercing pain. I'm face down, oppressive, pressing weight restraining any movement. My left arm lies outstretched, imprisoned. I'm buried alive. Oh, God, I'm buried alive!

How could a day as special as today end like this? Jake had been so romantic at dinner, kissing my hand as he told me we need to talk about a future together. We're made for each other and we both know it. We're ready to start walking life's path together as one. God, how could You do this to me? Haven't I looked to You? Followed You? Why are You punishing me? All I've ever wanted to do is serve You.

My mind speeds through thoughts even as my body lies dormant. My sight fails me as all light is extinguished by the blackness of this hell on earth. I think of Mammoth Caverns and the day my parents took me there as a child, the darkness in the depths. God is light, and in Him is no darkness at all.

I try to call out, but no sound escapes me. My mouth is so dry. The heat oppresses me; the air is more dust than oxygen. I can't speak. I can't cry. Moans only.

I'm alone. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for Thou art with me... I'm not alone.

I must be mad, delirious...I hear bell chimes. Sweet, soft chimes. Jesus? I listen more intently. Tibetan bell chimes of my alarm clock... that silly gift mama gave me for my birthday. Stress-free awakenings she said. Ocean waves, waterfalls and Tibetan bell chimes. My cracked lips smile. Mama

I hear sirens in the distance. The roar of thunder has lessened. Dogs bark. I hear sounds of life and hope seeps into me. Voices above me sound out, low at first and then clearer.

“Melody, can you hear me? Melody! Are you there? It's mama, sweetheart. I'm coming. Hold on.”

“Ma'am, I must ask you to move away. If she's buried under this pile of lumber, we could make it worse for her. We have to go slow and easy.”

As long as I can hear, I'm alive...there is hope. Mama is coming.

KJV Bible, 1 John 1:5, Ps 23:4

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This article has been read 637 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Karen Ward07/15/10
OK, it may be because I'm a Mum, but this made me tear up...if the aim of writing is to give the reader an emotional experience, then you've succeeded...
Verna Cole Mitchell 07/16/10
What a great job you did with suspense here. You're a sly one to make the reader guess, "Were they able to rescue her?" The Mama's coming theme added to the emotional impact.
Ruth Brown07/18/10
Great title those words always comfort. Great story!
God bless you as you continue to write for him.Ruth
Carol Slider 07/18/10
I grew up in Oklahoma, so this sort of scenario is pretty terrifying to me... but you describe it SO well. Maybe TOO well.:) Good job!
Chely Roach07/18/10
Oh my, claustrophobia alert! Your descriptions were frightening but enthralling. Awesome last line. Great job!
Rikki Akeo07/18/10
Talk about fillers of excitement!
Colin Swann07/19/10
A very thoughful piece about Christians not being exempt suffering. Our study group is struggling with the fact that a member and friend died a couple of days ago from a brain tumour. Joy was a forty odd year old single mum with a special needs son.

So difficult to cope with! -

Thanks for reminding us there is hope, and God is in charge.

AnneRene' Capp07/19/10
Love the reality of showing how as Christians we do suffer, but loved the way you used scripture to recall our hope in dire times of need. Great descriptions, Great story.
Carol Penhorwood 07/19/10
Filled with emotion and suspense and, most of all, hope!
Beth LaBuff 07/20/10
You took this reader into her burial prison. I love your contrasts here, "all light is extinguished by the blackness of this hell on earth."
Dee Yoder 07/22/10
Oooo...I've been in tornadoes as a child. The fear and darkness is just like this. Made me shiver. As kids, we also huddled in hallways and whispered Bible verses as the havoc reined about us. The Word is a comfort in all situations.