The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/18/10
Nice theme and consistent thoughts. I share with you similar thoughts while writing.

The rhythm is off and a few words do not rhyme, but you can smooth that out with a tad bit of editing. Also I think shortening the lines would make for a cleaner read.

Suggestion for the rhyme in this line: "...crowds,
Or reading of a people who brought great walls tumbling down,"...instead [Or the tumbling of great walls by people so proud]? The last two lines need a better rhyme also. Blessings.