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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: The Editor (05/27/10)

TITLE: Segue
By Carol Slider


“May I come in?” whispered a timid, familiar voice, and a slender young woman crept around my office door.

Her shimmery blond hair and gray-blue eyes made her look like a child—or, more poetically, a wood elf. But this particular elf had written six best-selling detective thrillers: sophisticated, complex novels that managed to be both cerebral and down-to-earth.

“Sorry to disturb you, Ms. Anstruther,” she said, her eyes downcast. But I wasn’t looking at her eyes. I was looking at the fat manilla envelope she carried.

“Celia... I’m Shelli,” I said lightly, motioning her to sit down so she wouldn’t stand there like a schoolgirl in the principal’s office.

She held out the envelope, and I took it.

“So... this is it?”

Sheila nodded.

“You could have emailed it...”

“I know, but I was in town. I’ll email it this afternoon, too.”

“You’re traveling?” Celia rarely left her remote village, 500 miles from the city.

“Yes... with my fiancé.”

Fiancé? That was a shock. To my knowledge, Celia had never had a fiancé, or even a boyfriend. But I was her editor, not a gossip columnist.

“Congratulations,” I said. “Is he here?”

He was. I walked to the lobby with her and met Bryan—tall, muscular, handsome, with red-brown hair and interesting green eyes. I hoped he wasn’t a gold digger who’d break her heart—that sort of thing could destroy a writer’s imagination. But his hand touched her shoulder gently, and his eyes were like a caress... and somehow, I wasn’t worried.

I went back to my office and started reading.

The Last Question. That was the title of the thing, and it was Celia’s best yet. Her oddball detective, Alfred Siegbert—a brilliant oddball nerd with dark hair and thick glasses—had never seemed so real, so sympathetic. The first chapter began with a breathtaking chase through an old, quaint, sinister city. I reveled in Celia’s whimsical, confident prose, her sure command of all the elements that held a reader’s attention.

The first shock came in the fourth chapter. On Page 48, Siegbert’s shy, sensitive girlfriend was swiftly, brutally murdered by Siegbert’s archenemy (though without graphic detail—that wasn’t Celia’s style).

I made a note in the margin: Rethink. Another girlfriend for Siegbert? Readers won’t like it!

I read on. No substitute girlfriend appeared, but Siegbert grieved quietly, intensely. I fumbled in my desk for a tissue, despising myself. Editors shouldn’t cry.

I turned the pages faster and faster, as the grieving hero untangled the villain’s web, strand by strand. His plan succeeded...

But the villain kidnaped Siegbert and escaped. No, no, NO! I scribbled emphatically, though I couldn’t fault Celia’s flawless writing. This is too much, after all he’s been through...

Siegbert suffered eloquently in the villain’s lair. I had expected that—but not that the villain would fire a bullet at close range...

Then the cavalry arrived, moments too late... and Siegbert, with his dying (DYING!?!) breath, gasped out the last scrap of information to unravel the criminal’s empire.

The End.

I stared at the last page—stunned, horrified, breathless. Then I picked up the phone.

Celia’s home and cell phones went to voicemail. I checked my email and found that she’d forwarded the manuscript, but she didn’t answer my replies.

I tried to reach her for a week, while I made notes and thought of alternate endings. Siegbert (savior of his city and our publishing house) couldn’t die. Couldn’t.

Maybe the gunshot had missed his vital organs. He’d gone into a coma, his heart had stopped for a few seconds... that could be overcome.

Maybe Siegbert’s unknown twin had given his life to save his brother... Maybe the last scene was a dream or hallucination...

UGH. Terrible ideas. Only Celia could resuscitate her hero. And she must.

When I phoned seven days later and found Celia home, she said she’d been in Paris. I couldn’t imagine her on the Champs-Élysées, but that was her affair.

“Celia,” I said, “You can’t kill off Siegbert. I know there’re ways to bring him back, if that’s what you’re planning...”

“No, Shelli. Siegbert’s dead.”

I knew how to handle her—I thought. But this time, she was stubborn. She didn’t argue. She just said “no.”

Finally, we both stopped talking. Then Celia said,

“I’m writing a new novel, you know...”

“A new... ?”

“And there’s another hero... tall, with reddish brown hair, green eyes...”

“Sounds like your fiancé.”

Husband,” Celia corrected gently, and put down the phone.

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This article has been read 848 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Laury Hubrich 06/03/10
Ooooo, I love this one. lol. Excellent job and I'd like to read the book within this story. Please?
Rachel Phelps06/03/10
The title is perfect. I am in awe. Amazing! I, too, want to read the book!
Gregory Kane06/04/10
Fantastic writing. Didn't put a foot wrong.
Elizabeth Cain06/04/10
I loved the story too! Celia's novel was so fascinating! And the way Shelia felt so involved in it...I'm sure it would be a story I'd thouroughly enjoy. :) (At least 'till the end, then I'd be sad.)

There was one little thing though, it seemed like you switched from second person to third person (when you said "Sheila nodded", rather than "I nodded").
Other than that, I REALLY enjoyed the story!
Elizabeth Cain06/04/10
oops. I meant that you switched from second person to FIRST person. Sorry 'bout that.
Dusti (Bramlage) Zarse06/04/10
A writer pours so much of him/herself into the story. I, too, was screaming with the editor, "No, you can't KILL him!" But I understand the writer moving on in her life, ending a chapter, closing a book. I think she (well, you) made the right decision. I really liked this. Fantastic.
Linda Germain 06/09/10
Masterful writing! A+
Gregory Kane06/10/10
Hearty congratulations. Knew this one was going to do well.
Beth LaBuff 06/10/10
Carol, this is fantastic... I LOVED every word! You've skillfully woven this editor's tale. Super congrats on your level placing and Editor's Choice award!
Verna Cole Mitchell 06/11/10
Carol, this is an absolutely wonderful story. Congratulatons!
Lyn Churchyard06/11/10
This was brilliant! I loved, loved, loved it. Now you have me wanting to read the actual novel. And not just the novel, but the complete series. If those novels don't exist, you might just have to write them :-)