The Official Writing Challenge
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05/16/10
Whoops! A cliche/idiom comes to mind here, "Live by the sword, die by the sword." What a fun and unexpected ending. I enjoyed this!
05/16/10
Great title and an unexpected ending. I found the constant change of person and tense disconcerting. Perhaps if you had put the MC's thoughts in Italics, this might have eased the transition.
Alas if anyone of us were good enough not to need to proofread...
05/19/10
A little confusing to follow--I think I mixed Frank and his boss in the middle, but was able to sort it out in the end. The idea is great--I think it served him right to get a good taste of his own medicine! nicely done!
I thought you did a good job of portraying you obnoxious MC--loved the twist.
I really had trouble following this. At first it was first person, "I remember those days...." and then partway through it switched to third person using he. I didn't know who he was until later. I kept wondering if you had written part of the piece one day and when you returned to work on it later, you accidentally switched from 1st to 3rd person unintentionally. I did like the ending though because I was finally able to sort who was who and it made me chuckle.
05/19/10
The premise here is great, but I felt like I got a little lost in the ending - like you ran out of words. Also, some italics or something to set apart thought and action would have helped the flow just a tad. Loved the creativity with this one!