The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Well for sure this isn't a carbon copy of anything! Very original and definitely out of the box. Personally I found it confusing the way you chopped and changed between first, second and third person. There was plenty enough going on without this distraction. Maybe that's something you can look out for in the future.
I know you would hate for me to say I enjoyed your nice story, so I won't. I think you don't care, like your writing indicates. Thanks for sharing this complex story which is well beyond my intellectual grasp and understanding.