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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: The Critique/Review (for writers) (05/06/10)

TITLE: The Reviewer
By Tim Pickl
05/08/10


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Characters:
The Reviewer – a mysterious FaithWriter’s Judge
Frank – First FaithWriter
Danielle – Second FaithWriter


Summary:
Two FaithWriters face the mysterious Reviewer with their stories.


(The Reviewer is seated at an angled table, stage-right. He has two stacks of paper and is reading from the papers in his hands. Frank and Danielle are seated stage-left.)

THE REVIEWER
Hello, first I would like to thank you all for coming today. I AM the Reviewer. Today is Judgment Day. All of the writers have submitted their works; and The Reviewer has written his critiques. The rule is: Each writer must face the Reviewer individually, as The Reviewer verbally summarizes his critique of their work. Okay, first on the list is… (pauses) Frank.

FRANK
Um, me?

THE REVIEWER
Yes, Frank, please come up to the front.

(Frank rises and makes his way and stands mid-stage, facing the Reviewer.)

THE REVIEWER
How are you doing today, Frank?

FRANK
I’m nervous, sir. I worked really hard on my story. It was so important to me, I could hardly sleep. I would appreciate—

THE REVIEWER
(holds up his hand to stop Frank from talking) Thank you, Frank for being honest—for being so frank. There’s no need to be afraid, for I AM here with you, to help you.

FRANK
Yes, sir.

THE REVIEWER
(briefly looks at the papers in his hands, looks back at Frank) I was fascinated with your story, Frank. Your love for God’s creation shines through the characters. Suzie, the main character, displays her love for the unwanted animals at the Pet Rescue shelter in a compassionate, deeply moving way. (looks back at the paper) My favorite part was when Suzie fell in love with one of the Macaws and adopted it for herself. But, there is only one thing lacking in your story, Frank. (looks back at Frank) Suzie needs to return to her first love.

FRANK
(nodding) Yes, I see what you’re saying. Her first love with her husband, or with Jesus?

THE REVIEWER
Both, actually. Here, take my critique and the copy of your story. I’ve made a few notes.

(Frank approaches The Reviewer and takes the papers.)

FRANK
Thank you, sir. I appreciate the feedback. Can I re-submit my story next week?

THE REVIEWER
Yes, I am looking forward to it. You may sit back down.

(Frank walks back to his seat and sits down.)

THE REVIEWER
(grabs another piece of paper and looks at it.) Who’s next? It looks like Danielle. Please come forward.
(Danielle rises and makes his way and stands mid-stage, facing the Reviewer.)

DANIELLE
Hello, sir. Just like Frank, I worked on my story for a long time. In fact, we helped each other.

THE REVIEWER
Oh, I know you did. (grabs a different piece of paper and looks at it)

DANIELLE
My story is true. It’s really about me.

THE REVIEWER
I know that, too. I like the title. Fleeing Arizona. The main character--in this case is you-- needed to return to her home State so that she could take care of her Aunt. The story is a great one, written from the heart, filled with a lot of the facts of what outwardly happened. (He looks back up at Danielle) But, I would like to see more of how Danielle prayed every day and how God answered those prayers in every situation. He never left you, even in your darkest moments.

DANIELLE
(wipes away tears) Thank you sir, thank you. (steps forward and takes the papers)

THE REVIEWER
You may return to your seat.

DANIELLE
Thank you so much.

THE REVIEWER
Let’s see…

FRANK
(stands up) Sir, may I please a question?

THE REVIEWER
Yes, Frank you may ask me a question any time.

FRANK
How did you know these things about Danielle, or what I should write in my story? It’s almost as if you were there.

THE REVIEWER
Frank, Frank, Frank. I AM always with you. Don’t you see?

FRANK
(turns and looks at Danielle, showing both palms in disbelief) I guess I don’t understand.

DANIELLE
I get it!

THE REVIEWER
Frank, have I been with you all this time and you don’t know who I AM?

DANIELLE
Frank—look at Him.

FRANK
What am I supposed to see?

DANIELLE
Look again, real close.

(Frank steps up and walks over to The Reviewer’s table and looks in His face.)

DANIELLE
Now, do you see Him?

FRANK
My Lord, and my God. Thank You Jesus.

(Frank immediately kneels, and bows face down.)



+++



Reference: Scriptures from the King James Version:
John 5:30 “…as I hear, I judge…”
Matthew 28:20 “…I am with you always…”
Revelation 2:4 “Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love.”
John 14:9 “…Have I been so long time with you, and yet hast thou not known me, Philip? he that hath seen me hath seen the Father; and how sayest thou then, Show us the Father?”
John 20:28 “And Thomas answered and said unto him, My LORD and my God.”


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Member Comments
Member Date
Amanda Brogan05/14/10
Cool story! It was very creative to put it in a play/stage type setting.
I like the references to "I AM" and how He, as "The Reviewer," gave them advice on how to deepen their stories.

I noticed once that "his" was written in reference to Danielle instead of "her." But no big deal.

Great job and very "on topic!"
Marilyn Schnepp 05/15/10
Creative? Yes. Page turner? No. Girl's name with a boy's story got this reader confused to the point of distraction to the story. However, if ths story's setting was on "Judgement Day", which I believe was stated...then they have no second chance to come back next week...which was also a bit perplexing; but YES, it Was creative, unique and ...different.
Brenda Shipman05/15/10
I liked this piece because it emphasized that we write for an Audience of One - the great I AM. Clever setting and approach to the topic.
Mildred Sheldon05/19/10
I loved your story about THE REVIEWER and how you brought everything together so perfectly. Very well written and right on point.