The Official Writing Challenge
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04/24/10
You've done a great job with characterization in this story, with the college students, especially "snake boy" with the "coiled snake riding up his bulging bicep" The pain and nausea from your MC was tangible. I enjoyed this, especially your up-lifting ending.
Amazing story! To be able to witness during a migraine is awesome.

The story held me spell-bound; sure she was going to faint.
I really liked the story line. The opening sentence might flow better if it was made into two--kind of ran on a bit for my taste. The second sentence felt awkward to me as well. Really liked 'snake boy' too. Nice job.
04/25/10
Strong writing that drew this 'reader' deep into the story. I loved the opening. In fact, I could see and feel with the MC, almost the nausea it caused. I wondered where the story was going, but was pleasantly surprised. Just top-notch. your talent shows!

Mona
Oooh! I've got goose bumps! Love how you showed how focussing on the Lord and His will can make our problems fade right into the background. I was able to visualize your characters too. Great job.
04/25/10
This story wouldn't have had near the powerful impact if the MC hadn't been so sick. You have created a true Christian heroine.
04/25/10
Wow! I loved this - so powerful; great believable characters; and evocative with sights, sounds and smells. Great job!
In the beginning, I missed the context of what caused the MC to be sick and thought it was because of "car sickness" but soon realized it was too severe to be that. Perhaps a migraine? The portrayal of how the MC felt was vivid and sympathized with her difficulty in coping with her illness and the annoyance of the other passengers. Enjoyed the fact that in the act of pushing aside illness to share the gospel, her illness disappeared.
Bear, I love your opening descriptions! Your portrayal of the characters were great. You held my attention throughout. Being a migraine sufferer, I felt for your MC, when I read the dark spots and sparks of light dancing with the words across her vision. I hope this does well for you Bear-Bear.
What a powerful story. You drew me right in with your descriptions and characterization. Very well done.
Your words are so elegant and seem to flow with ease.
04/28/10
Beautiful example of God using us despite our "weaknesses"!
You have a way that totally engages the reader to where they are in complete sentiment with your protagonist. I was there, the whole time, bus ride, upset tummy, blurry eyes and questionable fellow travelers. But, I guess, considering the out come, it was well worth the trip. Well done!
04/28/10
I like this! And your title can encompass two meanings: the working of God through infirmity, and the fact that you went through infirmity ("the headache was gone") and out the other side of it victorious. Great descriptive writing; I felt every bump and sway; felt myself cringe away from the dangerous element, eyes down-turned. Oh yes--you took us through it all. Thank you!
Creative approach...unique setting...charasmatic cast...strong MC...wonderful.