The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
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Date
04/16/10
Wow this really touched me. You did an outstanding job on all of your characters.
04/18/10
You've written a gripping story. I admire those like Jon and Marisa who choose to not give up. Your ending shines with hope.
04/19/10
A real struggle, external and internal. Written with passion.
If I could say something constructive...work on your sentence structure. Sometimes, plain and simple are best and less confusing.
Enjoyed it.

Mona
04/19/10
It seems that Jon used the mightiest pen of all to write the word "Love" in her heart. This showed some powerful emotion. Good writing.
04/19/10
Very good story. All that grief bottled up turned to rage, but love brought it out so that healing could begin. Your entry is so real and true. Well-done.
04/20/10
Good job with the emotion and with your characters
04/20/10
Very moving Message!

I agree with Mona concerning your sentence structure, unless you were intentional in keeping with a sixteen-year old voice?

Jon is a man after my own heart.

Good job.
04/21/10
Wow, I loved the characters too. This brought tears to my eyes. Keep writing.
04/22/10
You brought through the girl's confusion and inner conflict extremely well!
04/22/10
:rubs head from tossed brick encounter:

I like the story as a whole, but definitely it could use some editing w/ the sentences, MC voice- things like that. Something maybe having a buddy to read through beforehand might help with? (I'm willing if you'd like.)

I'm not sure how on-topic it was but the story itself was compelling and kept my attention.

Keep up the good work, and keep on writing!

:extends bandaid for painful red stuff:
04/23/10
Karlene, congrats on placing in the top fifteen in Advanced!
06/04/10
I loved the voice of this MC, so raw and genuine. The ending was great - super fast paced, a little unexpected and not wrapped up in a tidy bow. This plot has got some serious potential for expansion (hee hee, plot, got... am I a poet or what? NOT)