The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
03/19/10
What a beautiful devotional, powerful and moving. I enjoyed your interpretation of Nicodemus.
03/24/10
I had to go back and read your story again after I understood who the "he" was referring to. I had a hard time connecting to it at first. Knowing it was Nicodemus made the whole thing clear. Perhaps breaking up some of the longer paragraphs at the beginning would intensify the focus.

Great creativity here.
04/04/10
Hiya Suz! Enjoyed reading this and trying to figure out what character it might be. Neat portrayal of his thinking. I think you need to rethink the use of the passive voice which seems to slow this down: you start off recounting the past using the active voice: ‘He was being’ and then move into the passive with lots of ‘would haves’, ‘woulds’ and ‘hads.' One tiny, tiny typo - 'allowing it (?) envelop'.