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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Wow! (03/11/10)

TITLE: Double Blessing
By Patricia Turner
03/17/10


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A tiny rivulet of rainwater trickled under the corner of the school house, pooling in a little patch of mud. Evan slipped off his sneakers and dug his toes into the cooling ooze while he waited for Sissy, wiping sweat from his face with the tail end of his t-shirt. Frowning he watched Ellen Anne skip along the path to the road alongside Davie Forsythe.

“Oh, hurray!” shouted Sissy, emerging into the steaming sunlight. “It finally stopped raining.” She twirled a few steps with her hands in the air, her face tipped up to the warming rays.

“Yeah, now we kin roast like a coupl’a chickens,” muttered Evan, picking up his sneakers and swinging his book bag over his shoulder.

“Hey, sad sack, don’t rain on my party, ok,” Sissy punched him affectionately as they started home. “Sorry I ran late. We were planning the May Pole dance and while Shirley and I were discussing the decorations, Bobby walked up and of course...”

Evan could care less about planning for a dance or her crush on the high school quarterback. He just let her prattle on while the luscious Ellen Anne filled his thoughts.

When they reached the road that edged the river, he glanced over at the riverbed far below. The spring rains, roaring down from the surrounding hillsides were raucous Valkyries pushing the slain carcasses of warriors along their path to Valhalla, the thunder of their passing echoing up the gorge gauged for centuries by the waters. Evan had been studying mythology in English class.

“...and I get to be the May Pole Queen this year, and Bobby is going to be the King!” she finally stopped for a breath, still twirling.

Evan glanced over, working on a sarcastic response. Instead, “Sissy, watch it!”

Before the words left his mouth her foot slipped on the muddy bank. In an instant she disappeared over the edge, screaming.

Dropping everything Evan fell on his stomach and edged toward the embankment, his skin prickling, terrified to look over. There was Sissy just a few feet below, hanging onto the protruding root of an oak tree nearby. “Evan, help,” she gasped, her face blanched pale.

Drenched with sweat and feeling his heart pumping the boy leaned as far as he dared and tried to touch her fingers. “Hold on, Sissy, just hold on,” he cried.

Swallowing hard, he prayed, “Lord, help me please and help Sissy too.”

“A vine, a branch, anything,” hastily scanning for anything he might be able to use he noticed the tree on the far embankment.

It was just a little tree, really not more than a sapling. Yet it clung tenaciously and precariously as it leaned out over the river, it’s only two branches, about halfway between roots and crown, spread perpendicular to the trunk.

Evan’s digging toes found a root. “Hang on Sissy, hang on,” he said over and over.

Stretching every sinew as he locked his toes beneath the root he reached down, willing it to be far enough if Sissy could just let go and reach up to him. Her eyes were closed and he could see the beads of sweat on her forehead as she strained to cling to the root.

“Sissy,” his mouth was dry. “Sissy, reach; reach up and take my hand.”

For an instant, he didn’t think she’d heard. Her eyes remained shut.

Then one hand moved slightly, and inched slowly up the rocky wall until Evan could finally grasp it.

“Strength, Lord,” the boy gasped, “Give me strength, please.”

Every muscle bulging and lungs about to burst, he drew her up slowly with strength beyond his own, praying continually: “Don’t let me lose her Lord.”

Finally his sister was back on firm ground. They sprawled gasping on the mud and grass for a while catching their breath.

Sissy laughed first then Evan chuckled. Simultaneously, they broke out into whoops and gales of laughter.

“Wow! Look!” shouted Sissy pointing and still a little breathless.

Above the far bank hung the crisp bold colors of a rainbow. Hovering just beneath was its twin with more demure hues.

“It’s a double rainbow! Make a wish, quick!” she closed her eyes. “You know what Gram says, ‘make a wish on a double rainbow and it’ll come true’.”

An image of Ellen Anne flickered across his mind, but “I did better than that,” smiled Evan, gazing across the river at the cross, clinging to the rocks on the other side.


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This article has been read 328 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Beth LaBuff 03/20/10
You had me holding my breath for this brother/sister duo. I was relieved after the rescue. Your ending, with the rainbow and wish made me smile. (…and I learned something, I thought you could only wish upon a star, I never knew you could make a wish over a double rainbow.) :) Nice work!
AnneRene' Capp 03/22/10
This was gripping. I think I was even holding my breath as Evan was reaching for Sissy's hand. Excellent job! I would love to see you keep going with this story. Now, I'm curious about how it turns out for Evan with Ellen Anne. :)

P.S., I didn't know about the double Rainbow wish either.
Kellie Henningsen03/22/10
This was great writing! I was right there with the brother as he struggled to save his sister. Very intense!
Eliza Evans 03/24/10
That first sentence is eloquent! and a subtle 'omen' to what is coming.

Love this line of dialogue.
"Yeah, now we kin roast like a coupl’a chickens” Fitting to the time period...which by the way, you set with just a few but sure references. Awesome.

You have an excellent writer's touch, Pat. A joy to read.


Rachel Phelps03/24/10
Great tension in this one! I felt a little out of the story until I settled on the children's ages, and a couple of the words seemed out of the narrative voice: luscious and sinew, particularly. Overall, very strong and I loved your characters!
Lori Othouse 03/24/10
Suspenseful story with a great ending. Liked the symbolism of the tree/cross. Good job!
Loren T. Lowery 03/24/10
Good blend of foreshadowing, tension, suspense and symbolism. Not an easy task but you've done it well with this story. Like the way you presented the brother (lost in thought and seemingly uncaring) until his sister was in jeopardy.
Sara Harricharan 03/24/10
Oooh, wish on a double rainbow? I love it! Loved the contrast between brother and sister. It was excellent!
Mona Purvis03/24/10
Gripping, you held my interest. Young love, Spring fever. Very good job.
Mona
c clemons03/25/10
I get the end, but not sure if it was smoothed out enough. I did like the analogies though.
Sarah Elisabeth 03/26/10
oooh great story, Patricia! Congrats on your placing!
Carol Penhorwood 03/30/10
Well deserving of this honor!


   
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