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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Wow! (03/11/10)

TITLE: A Crack of Twig
By william price
03/16/10


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I see the pistol pointing at my eyes,
The finger on the trigger firm and true,
I cannot breathe and trying not to cry.
“Where is he now?” the voice’s temper crude.

Run swift, be quick, don’t think, my dear, just flee,
Run smart, run straight, run strong with lungs of stags,
Through forest dark, and trails sharp, just flee,
Don’t stop, I pray, nor listen to the hounds.


My womb awakes and child’s head turns down,
The hunter’s gaze meets mine, we’re going to die,
I hear a crack of twig outside my door,
I see the pistol pointing at my eyes.


I smell his scent before his smile arrives.
The hunter’s scowl shrinks sharp into a grin,
“I knew he’d not allow his wife to die.”
The pistol’s pointing toward my hero’s eyes.

What now, why come, to die instead of us,
You’re smart and true and love our Lord on high,
You have the light, for darkened souls, please flee,
Now leave, I pray, forget our life right now.


I watch him spread his arms open and wide,
He winks and says, “I love with all my life.”
I scream, “You fool,” but cry, “We love you too.”
I see the pistol pointing at his eyes.


I never knew what love was until now.
The hunter’s brows draw close, he mutters, “Wow,”
The pistol’s roar rips quick, a deathly sound.
Our baby kicks as love drops to the ground.

Don’t die, my love, don’t bleed and fade away,
I pray, my Lord, His love, will not decay,
He has the light, for darkened souls to see,
Now rise, I pray for him to have more days.


The hunter stands in awe at what he sees.
My lover rises on one knee and speaks,
“I love you, sir and pray your soul be healed.”
I never knew what love was until now.

__


There is no ending fittingly to write,
The Hunter’s life was changed, now shares the light,
I buried love up on a mountain crest,
And sing of life born from my hero’s death.

Our child is strong and prophesies today,
The time has come for love to bear its fruit,
The morn has broke and beckons us to say,
That Jesus Christ alive is come to stay.


Author’s note: Inspired by Ezekiel 17:22-24 NKJV


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This article has been read 547 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Beth LaBuff 03/19/10
You've used a fascinating poetic form. Is it some form of a villanelle? You have beautifully worded phrases and your story is haunting.
Jackie Wilson03/20/10
I love the way you used the words and phrases to "quicken" the innate pace on the italicized lines. It gave her thoughts a different voice than her narration, and it gave an excitement to those lines. It took several readings for me to understand what was happening, who the characters were, and who was talking, but I didn't mind re-reading, the energy of this piece was so strong!
Verna Cole Mitchell 03/22/10
You're talented on many levels. I loved this profound poem.
Loren T. Lowery03/22/10
It is not often we get to read an account that so openly expresses what profoundly changes a man's heart. A life-changing moment - bold and tender. Revealing in its conflict and enlightening to read. Well done.
Darren Pettis03/22/10
Very crafty and well put. I enjoyed reading this.
Carol Slider 03/23/10
Wow... there are layers of meaning here, symbolism woven into story. I'm going to go back and re-read it a time or two! Beautiful, meaningful, masterful... and very well done!
Sarah Elisabeth 03/24/10
Wow. What a gripping image potrayed in this tale!
Patricia Turner03/24/10
So much emotion, so much said in these stanzas. This is haunting and powerful.
Sara Harricharan 03/24/10
Really nice! I love the depth, the intensity and emotion in this piece. The italics were excellently done. ^_^
Mona Purvis03/24/10
Just blows me away! I can hardly comment for the tears. Stellar piece. I thought of Elisabeth Elliot. Sir William, you left me speechless.

Mona
Eliza Evans 03/24/10
This gave me chills and I don't think I am seeing half of what's here...even after 3 readings.
Love the tone of this...almost like a trumpet sound. That's what I hear.

Wow! Fantastic work.
Eliza Evans 03/24/10
Clarification! It is not confusing...It is rich and deep...and me? maybe not so much. :P

Gorgeous writing, Sir.
Charla Diehl 03/25/10
Gripping, compelling, sad, full of raw emotions--I could go on but I'll finish with--great work!