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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Eek! (02/25/10)

TITLE: An Intruder's Surprise
By harvestgal Ndaguba


I slid the key I'd found under the mat into the door and gently turned the handle. Leaning against the door, praying it wouldn't squeak, I slowly guided it, just enough for me to enter, then gently closed it back. All was quiet and pitch black. I relaxed my back against the wall and stood for a few moments till my eyes adjusted to the dark. The house was warm with a sweet, spicy smell. It reminded me of my grandmothers house. My heartbeat was so loud, I was hoping it wouldn't wake anyone in the home. “Calm down,” I told myself. I could feel the perspiration building along my hairline. I inched my way along side the wall till I could see the entrance to the kitchen.

I tiptoed through the dining room and into the kitchen. What a neat little old fashioned looking kitchen. I pictured a lovely old lady might live in the home. The moonlight shown through the kitchen window. Everything was so neat and organized. I couldn't resist the temptation to look into the fridge and see what was there. I opened the fridge. It gave a loud squeak. “Shoot,” I thought. I stood silent for a moment to listen for movement in the home. Nothing. I looked into the fridge and spotted a partly eaten cherry pie and other delicious looking leftovers.

“What am I doing? I can't believe I'm doing this.” My stomach began to growl. I was so hungry. It seemed like ages since my last meal. I reached for the cherry pie and placed it on the counter near the fridge. I also grabbed two other plastic containers with leftover food in it. I quickly opened the large one; Wow, baked chicken legs with carrots and potatoes. In the smaller one was rice. How fortunate for me. I was afraid to close the fridge cause I knew it would probably squeak again. I looked about the kitchen wondering which drawer the silverware was in.

“Never mind, I'll just use my hands.” I began eating the meal first, even the rice with my hands, then I finished off the cherry pie. It was delicious. Nothing like a satisfied stomach. Even though the food was cold, I enjoyed it immensely. I looked around and spotted a decorated, pink hearted metal looking container that looked like it probably had candy in it, maybe even chocolates. The light from the fridge dimly lit the kitchen. I had to see what was in that container. Beside the container was a small mirror. I picked it up and looked at myself. “oooh, I'm a mess.” My dark brown eyes looked fearful, my long, thick hair pulled back with a scarf. And my face so incredibly thin. “How could a young lady like me, brought up in such a nice home be living like this,” I wondered. Tears filled my eyes. “I'll just take some candy and leave,” I thought. I struggled to open the container. Finally the lid popped open. I saw lots of little brown chocolates. But upon closer look I realized they weren't chocolates, they were large roaches. Lots of them running everywhere as I had freed them. “Eek!” I screamed and began jumping up and down. “Oh my God, Help me,” I cried. I tried to run to the door but, suddenly his image was blocking the entrance to the kitchen. I thought I'd faint and then, I did.

When I awoke, he was holding me. I was shaking. “Call the police,” I yelled. “Shhh, It's alright,” he comforted. “I won't hurt you and they won't either. You found my roach collection.” My heart felt weak. I don't know if it was because of how handsome he was or the roach collection thing. “I'm so sorry,” I said as I began to weep. He held me in his arms like a brother. He didn't see my ragged appearance but only a frightened little girl, lost and needing guidance. He overlooked completely the fact that I'd broken into his home. And he showed me the love of Christ, a love I'd never known before.

A year later, we were married. Even though he's 10 years older then me, we are perfect for each other. The only thing I have to learn to tolerate is his fascination with roaches and his little roach collection. After all, if it weren't for that, we probably would have never met.

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Member Comments
Member Date
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 03/04/10
This is a great story. I was thoroughly entertained and laughed when the roaches came poring out. Some of your wording sounded strange to me (pink hearted), but that is no big deal. You told a great story and had me holding my breath for the MC.
Lizzy Ainsworth03/04/10
Wow. So random but I like this love story.
Allen Stark03/05/10
Great dialogue and action. One of the best this week.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 03/11/10
Congratulations on the top 40!