The Official Writing Challenge
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The fact that this does happen in the world makes it even more heartbreaking. You did a wonderful job of telling a horrible story.
I was stationed near the Cambodian border as an Army medic. What you have shared had to have been written from the inside out. You hooked me from the very beginning.
Such a graphic accurate retelling of an event that happens more than we can even imagine, I'm sure. This would be very powerful if it were developed into a novel. It's a nightmare that needs to be brought more into the light. There were a few wording glitches in some places (i.e. "passed" midnight should be "past"), but overall, very effective writing!
Your story broke my heart. You brought to life the unimaginable horror that some children face. The pause at the church on the way made the story even sadder.
Now that I know who the author is, I'm not surprised it's such an amazing, sad story. You do have a wonderful way with words. It's even better the second time around, it rips at my heart.
VERY vivid description of a tragic scenario. I think you could polish up the punctuation and phrasing a bit more (example "Her mother spoke soft yet commanding" -- "commanding" kind of slowed me down), but the story did an excellent job of what it was intended to do. I tried to use the website reference to get more info, as the story interested me enough to do so, but it sent me back to their homepage instead of to the news story. However, the point is, your story was compelling enough, that it drew me to want to know more and to take the time to try and look it up. REALLY WELL DONE!!
This story gripped my very soul. Your ending was perfect and I agree with Brenda, would love to see this as a novel. Your descriptions made me feel as though it was I, seeing through the girl's eyes. Good Job - Good story!
Such a deep piece! Many good things stand out here. Word choices are wonderful - you pick them well. Maybe it's just me, but I felt a tiny bit distant from the characters, due to the narrative tone. I think you could draw the reader in a little closer to the MC so he/she feels what she's feeling. Nicely done! I really like your writing style.
03/10/10 sad... you put us in her life (what she saw, and felt) right up until her "childhood end"ed.. Chilling! (Excellent writing!)
Great title for this heartbreaking story. You helped your reader feel the emotion of the helpless child. Great job.
Wow... this is shocking and heartbreaking. Eek, indeed. It's horrible to think that stories like this are played out around the world every day. Thanks for the reminder of all we have to be thankful for, and all those who need our prayers.
Heartbreaking; intense story, told well. A couple grammar glitches did not take away the meat of this reality.
Very descriptive... puts the reader right beside Mayeng, sharing her world. Sad, scary, touching...