The Official Writing Challenge
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Your story gave me goosebumps. It is always hard to watch a loved one die. You handled the scene with dignity, respect and most of all love.
02/26/10
First the Kudos! Any writer that brings their readers to an emotional state, such as tears or laughter, is an excellent writer! And yes, I wept. However, the first part was hard to grasp as I got lost in not knowing the what(?), the why(?) of the dreams, the shouts, etc.; But very well written, an enjoyable-but-sad story, and deserving of an A+ for excellence. Kudos!
Excellent writing.
This part of your story, "She looked down to see four parallel red streaks on his forearm. She’d been too rough; seeing her damage, she jerked her hands."--is confusing. Was she a "bad daughter" to Hal? Is it why Hal thought he heard a "dragon roar" and felt a "claw at his flesh"?
I had hope that Hal heard Jesus' voice and welcomed him to Heaven.
Thanks.

I enjoyed your story. It's always hard dealing with a patient with dementia. I can relate to the red scratches-by the end, my father's skin had become so sensitive that any slightest touch could cause bruises and even tear the flesh. I think that this could be lengthened for more impact. You had to go too fast, it seemed to me.
I, too, was near tears at the end. A very moving story! Actually, I had no trouble at all following the dragon references (chair loudly moving), and POV of the father, because of it being set off by italics and the short lines. It worked smoothly for me. However, I actually got confused in your first couple paragraphs, when trying to follow the two women talking, for some reason -- not sure why. I had to re-read that a couple of times to get it sorted out.
You dealt with this sad issue excellently--always hard to say goodbye. I particularly liked the reference to the love in the room.
I agree this was beautifully done and handled with quiet dignity. At first I was going to mention POV,(the transition between the voices/thoughts) but then I re-read your title and understood. You handled this very well.
03/03/10
Wow. I have goosebumps from head to toe. This was an amazing piece of work. One of my favorites for the week!
03/03/10
A very sad story, yet with the assurance of victory that if we have got Jesus as our Savior, we need not worry, because we are safe with Him wherever we may be. Nicely written and moving hearts.
03/03/10
Very moving. The man's thoughts interspersed with the action are very effective - but they switch tense a few times. I absolutely love how this ends. Great job!
03/03/10
You have a lot of emotion packed into this story. You've beautifully handled your subject matter!
03/27/10
Lynn, this is really good. I had goosebumps as I read. And had to fight tears to finish it. I've been there with both my mom and my mother-in-law. It's not easy.