The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/25/10
An unloaded secret can lift a burden for the one who carried it, but then the burden falls on the unsuspecting listener who tries to be a friend. Being a good listener can mean carrying a heavy load. Very thought provoking entry. Good job!
02/26/10
Wow. What a wonderful approach to this topic! I loved the repetition of the line, "But now I did." It was, in fact, this line that helped me realize that you were portraying different stories...I had to read the top portion again because I thought the young mom was the one afraid to remove her coat. Though that's probably because I'm tired, it might be helpful to use a slightly different font for each "story," or perhaps a transition or two. I also noted that the listener is now carrying those burdens--very effective ending. Good job!
I too had a hard time realizing right away that you were talking about different people. Even when you went on to the man I thought you were doing couple counseling. I liked the different degrees of the secret. You did a good job showing what might be super important secret to one might not be to another. It was an interesting take on the topic and once my confusion cleared I enjoyed it.