The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/25/10
The present tense adds to the tension, and I can feel the silence in the house. Part of me wants to say there are too many commas, but they add to the atmosphere, slowing the pace and creating silent pauses. The paragraph about Raisa isn't as polished as the rest of this piece, which kept my attention to the thought-provoking ending. Nice!
02/27/10
Very true to real life and you did a good job portraying the different characters.
This kept my attention all the way through. Descriptions of characters gave the reader a good look at the "cast". And the ending summed things up nicely. Good job!
This is wonderful and so true. You captured and told each person's secret in such a believable way. I held on to every word.