The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
I was a little confused. It seemed you jumped around a bit.
But it was a nice way to show the evolution of how girls come to like boys. I especially liked the way you blew out of your lower lip. I could easily picture that whole scene.
Even through the gentle shut ups you did a good job in showing where your heart was at. Good descriptive piece.
03/02/10
I didn't get it, I'm sure it's just me. Keep writing.
I agree with the previous comments. I found this piece to be a bit confusing.
03/22/10
I thought there was some great characterisation going on. Probably needed some of the superfluous detail trimming down but there's a lot of potential here.