The Official Writing Challenge
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What a wonderful rendition. I had trouble following the first paragraph, but after that it was beautiful and I enjoyed it immensely.
I agree with first comment. First paragraph a bit obscure, but on the whole I loved it. Colorful and full of feeling.
June Adams
I had problems with the first paragraph also. I think it's because I don't know who the first "His" refers to -- there's no way to identify that, so I feel immediately lost. But the piece flows well overall, and I love some of your word usage, like "But the feelings of utter failure, they followed him like wolves stalk their wounded prey." Very nice!
The language is almost poetic in places as you describe the storms inside and around Elijah. I enjoyed this very much!
There is a level of poetic expression here that's poised to lift your prose to a higher level. But it feels to me as if the story was submitted without a proper revision. There is a lot of repetition of words and phrases, which virtually beg for you to scatter a few synonymns.
I think I wanted more characterization earlier so I could take the "trip" with the old man. Does that make sense? When I learned who he was, I understood the piece better.
I am beginning to sense that the beginning was obscure?

I enjoyed this more and more as I read toward the end. I think you had a great message here about God's "still voice" and how we have to be quiet to hear it.
I actually liked the off-kilter feel of the first paragraph. The sweeping imagery was wonderfully done. I agree that a revision to exchange a few repeated words would polish this further, but the style is simply breathtaking. Well done.
I like it all, including the first paragraph :) It is very well based on scripture, and brings out all the inner and outer hindrances to hearing the still small voice of God. Thanks for writing.