The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
02/25/10
What a wonderful rendition. I had trouble following the first paragraph, but after that it was beautiful and I enjoyed it immensely.
03/01/10
I agree with first comment. First paragraph a bit obscure, but on the whole I loved it. Colorful and full of feeling.
June Adams
03/01/10
I had problems with the first paragraph also. I think it's because I don't know who the first "His" refers to -- there's no way to identify that, so I feel immediately lost. But the piece flows well overall, and I love some of your word usage, like "But the feelings of utter failure, they followed him like wolves stalk their wounded prey." Very nice!
03/01/10
The language is almost poetic in places as you describe the storms inside and around Elijah. I enjoyed this very much!
03/02/10
There is a level of poetic expression here that's poised to lift your prose to a higher level. But it feels to me as if the story was submitted without a proper revision. There is a lot of repetition of words and phrases, which virtually beg for you to scatter a few synonymns.
03/02/10
I think I wanted more characterization earlier so I could take the "trip" with the old man. Does that make sense? When I learned who he was, I understood the piece better.
Mona
03/02/10
I am beginning to sense that the beginning was obscure?

*smiles*
03/02/10
I enjoyed this more and more as I read toward the end. I think you had a great message here about God's "still voice" and how we have to be quiet to hear it.
03/02/10
I actually liked the off-kilter feel of the first paragraph. The sweeping imagery was wonderfully done. I agree that a revision to exchange a few repeated words would polish this further, but the style is simply breathtaking. Well done.
03/03/10
I like it all, including the first paragraph :) It is very well based on scripture, and brings out all the inner and outer hindrances to hearing the still small voice of God. Thanks for writing.