The Official Writing Challenge
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02/18/10
What a terrible day. By the end, I wanted to reach out and give Amy a hug.
02/20/10
What Seattle is this that it doesn't snow? And why would the whole city be without power because of a snowstorm? Just wondering.
02/21/10
This was well told. I felt for Amy and I enjoyed the sense of camaradarie that ensued. I did feel sorry for the poor fish though!
02/22/10
A dreadful day all around! I felt her cold misery!
02/22/10
Oh, poor Amy! I felt for her. Definitely a "phew!" day.
Good story. Poor fish, but I liked how the bus all pulled together and shared and formed a human shield.
I laughed with an "ohh poor amy at the end"...I think I would have cried. very well told, so well told I don't have a blasted thing to tell you for tweaking it (red pen stuff). very nicely done.
02/23/10
Ah, poor Amy and poor fish. She definitely had a horribly bad day indeed. It held my interest all the way through. The only red ink that comes to mind is it felt like you transitioned from "showing" to "telling" in about the last third of the story. Even so, I was still rooting for Amy all the way home. (My sister was in San Jose when they had a powerful earthquake about 20-25 years ago.) The earthquake sloshed all the water out of her three large aquariums onto the carpet. Strange thing is they never found the fish from the aquariums.)
02/23/10
You had me smiling with the "breakfast" for the fish. I was with your MC (and her 2" heels) throughout the day (the whole day!). Great work on this story (and if it's true, I'm sorry about your fish). :(
02/24/10
Sounds like Amy was having a Job day - everything going wrong! I hope she was able to get some new fish. :( I think that made a good (though slightly sad) ending to her story. Summed up her troubles real well. Just when she thinks her problems are over. . . :)