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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Phew! (02/11/10)

TITLE: What WAS I Thinking?
By Lollie Hofer
02/17/10


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The rumble of metal clanking on the tracks was nerve-wrecking. That, along with the jerking of the car, sent chills up and down Lorraine's spine. All she could see was blackness, except for the purple lines squiggling around her eyelids. White knuckles on the safety bar in front of Lorraine gave evidence to her holding on with a determined I-will-not let-go-for-all-the-tea-in-China grip. The higher the car rose into the air, the higher her blood pressure rose as well. She could actually hear the blood rushing in her ears.

For her thirtieth birthday, Lorraine decided to ride a rollercoaster. It wasn't on the list of the top ten things she wanted to do before she died, yet she felt compelled to do it. Too late Lorraine realized her good idea of last week was really a dumb idea this week.

"Oh, God," she pleaded. "What have I done? Get me out of this mess and I'll never do anything this foolish again."

Lorraine opened her eyes as the car hit the crest of the hill dropping quickly on the other side. Her brown eyes bulged. She was now acquainted with terror to the nth degree; not even a scream was able to escape from her gaping mouth. "Just great," Lorraine finally croaked, "the camera got a shot of me at my worst."

"Isn't this fun, Momma?" squealed Alaina, sitting next to her mother.

"Sure, fun," yelled Lorraine as they flew over a series of bumps. "This kind of fun is right up there with having your finger nails ripped off by pliers."

The car lunged down a hill making a hard right. "Momma, you're squishing me," mumbled Alaina somewhere from behind Lorraine's shoulder.

The car rounded a left corner with a jerk throwing Lorraine back on her side of the car. "What was I thinking? Oh merciful God in heaven, I beseech thee, GET ME OFF THIS THING."

Finally the car slowed down. "Yeah, that's over," Lorraine said wiping off mascara streaming down her face along with the tears. Leaning back she relaxed into the car's seat.

"Whew!" laughed Alaina, clapping her hands while stomping her feet on the floor of the car. "Let's do it again."

The car began rolling again, picking up speed. "Oh no," groaned Lorraine. "We've got to do it all over again only backwards this time."

"Augh!" screamed Lorraine so loudly it brought the entire carnival to a standstill. A crowd began gathering to watch the maniac woman on the rollercoaster.

"Momma was right, Momma was right; oh boy, was Momma ever right," Lorraine chanted.

On more than one occasion her mother had warned her. Lorraine could hear her mother's voice loud and clear even now. "Your impetuous nature will be the end of you yet," she would say, wagging her finger while stomping her foot. "You just mark my words."

"Okay, Ma, words marked. Oh, I think I'm going to puke," Lorraine gagged.

"It was all that food you ate," Alaina giggled.

"I'm a nervous eater, okay? I was nervous about this rollercoaster ride. And rightfully so, I might add."

What seemed terrifying to Lorraine going forward was doubled going backwards. It didn't help to be able to see where they'd been. The hot dog, French fries, cotton candy and tunnel cake weren't helping the situation either.

"Are we there yet?" Lorraine whimpered. "Please, please let this be over soon. I don't want to die."

After seeing her life flash before her eyes several times, the car came to a halt. Lorraine's hands were nearly welded into the safety bar. "Dumb idea, dumb idea, dumb idea," she cried.

The ride attendant, prying her hands loose, had to help Lorraine to her feet. Her husband, Tim, getting out the car in front of them, caught Lorraine right before she hit the floor. With Tim on one side, the attendant on the other and Alaina pushing from the rear they were able to get her down the steps and to a park bench. Flashes from cameras went off all around her. No one wanted to miss having a picture of the crazy lady from the rollercoaster.

"Phew, I'm glad that's over," the ride attendant said while mopping his forehead with his baseball cap.

"What was that all about?" asked one of the curious observers in the crowd.

"Another scared lunatic," the ride operator said. "Some folks should never be allowed to ride the kiddy rollercoaster.


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This article has been read 332 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Anita Vander Elst02/19/10
Great descriptions of what I thought was a ride a little closer to something like Thunder Mountain Railroad at Disneyland than a kiddie roller coaster. LOL! That twist at the end was perfect!

Carole Robishaw 02/22/10
I feel the same way about roller coasters. The last one I rode was a kiddie one, too. Just thinking of tackling one of the "real" ones is terrifying. Great job writing this.
Barbara Lynn Culler02/22/10
I love rollercoasters, but this was a great take on someone who does not.

I laughed outload at the Kiddie Coaster!
Virgil Youngblood 02/22/10
You wrote about my wife, I know you did, I know you did. Well, surely not but you fooled me with a great read that I can relate to. We don't do roller coasters anymore.
Ada Nett02/23/10
Been there done that...don't do it anymore! Your story evoked the emotions,fear and cries for rescue I felt riding my last roller coaster! Good job!
~Cathy~
Author Unknown02/23/10
had me grinning the whole time-- I was (am) an "Alaina" and I was born to a "Lorraine". good descriptions, lots of showing, dialogue great for the situation-- felt very real. nice job. the only thing that didn't quite ring true (pink pen, not really red) is that there aren't many kiddie coasters in the dark-- but it does add a nice twist. well done!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 02/23/10
I laughed so hard at the last line I think I need to go freshen up. I'm terrified of roller coasters and I felt for Lorraine the whole time. Brilliant job!
Beth LaBuff 02/23/10
LOL! Love your last line! You took me with you on this hair-raising "kiddie ride". :) Fun stuff!
Sarah Elisabeth 02/24/10
lol, had me chuckling all the way through! You even surprised me at the end about it being a "kiddy coaster." Wow, too funny :-D
Carol Penhorwood 05/31/10
I so empathize with your MC.


   
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