Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Phew! (02/11/10)
TITLE: All Aboard
By Gregory Kane
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"It ate what? The male or the female? Can you see if she's pregnant? Wait, belay that order. She's a rabbit - of course she's expecting. No harm done, another month and this place will be crawling with fluffy bunnies. But do keep an eye on that carnivore. What did you say it was? A velociraptor. What in the three hundred nephilim is one of those? A two-legged lizard with teeth, you have got to be kidding me. What, the guinea pigs too? Right, over the side with it. I'm not having such truculence on my watch. Huh? I don't know - use a big stick or something."
"Listen, son, you're pushing your luck. Your goldfish will just have to fend for itself. Yes, I know, some shark might gobble it up. That's life. So what if it's a freshwater animal? Thank you, I am aware that the sea is salty. I wasn't born yesterday. More like six centuries ago. Look, I'm sure that the Judge has this all in hand. Of course we'll have to fish while we're afloat. We can't exactly order take-away pizza, can we? All right then, I'll speak to your brothers. If anyone should catch a goldfish, we'll be sure to throw it back. Now, get that ugly fish tank off my boat!"
"How are we doing? Another half-day? I'm not sure we'll make it. I don't like the look of those clouds one jot. No, stupid, that's not a cow, it's a moose. I said a moose, not a mouse. Get your mother to pull some wax out of your ears. Hey, why are those cheetahs heading for the canines' enclosure; get them back in with the other felines at once. Are you out of your tiny mind? Any minute now, it'll be raining cats and dogs on the outside. That's going to be bad enough without having the fur flying below decks."
"Are you sure? Did you check the insects? What about the spiders? Did anyone think to count the slugs? Good job, everyone. I can't believe we made it. I say, where's that ghastly creaking sound coming from? Well I never, our massive timber door is shutting all by itself. And to think that hydraulics haven't even been invented yet. And do you hear that pitter-patter? We're underway, my hearties. Batten down the hatches; splice the mainbrace! No, I'm not quite sure what I'm talking about either. But it sure sounds good, doesn't it?"
"What's so desperately important? I've just cracked open an amphora of sparkling white from the Shinar valley. Do you have any idea how expensive this stuff is! No, you're having me on. We didn't, did we? You sure it isn't that velocipede thingamajig? It's got what? Claws that gimble and teeth that whiffle. And you say that it's burbling along as it galumphs behind the boat. Some sort of bandersnatch? I better see this. Oh horrors, my father, Lamech, spake once of this fiend: 'tis called a Jabberwock. No, certainly not. It'll tear us all to ribbons without a second thought - better to let it drown. No one need ever know. Besides, even if you tried to describe such a manxome beast, people would think you were just making it up."
with a nod and a wink to Lewis Carroll.
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