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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Phew! (02/11/10)

TITLE: No Sudden Movements
By Carole Robishaw
02/15/10


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“If I hadn’t had to iron another shirt after you spilled your coffee, we wouldn’t be running late, so don’t blame me. Try taking a little of the responsibility for what is your fault.”

“Fine, it’s my fault, okay! Now are you happy? Man, this road is slick. I think there’s a lot of black ice out here.”

“Maybe we should take the long way to church, avoid that hill…”

“No, I can handle it. I just have to take it slower."

The snow sparkled like diamonds from the ice. The trees were absolutely beautiful, every surface glittered with a fine sheen, even the barbed wire fence along the road was reflecting the beauty. I wish I had my camera with me, this was picture perfect, it could be on a magazine cover.

I turned towards the back seat, “Honey, did you remember to fasten your seat belt?”

“Yes, mom, if it was any tighter I couldn’t breathe. Chill, mom, we’re okay.”

Rob turned left; the big hill was coming up. I didn’t like that hill, even when the roads were good. It wasn’t just how steep it was, it was the curve half way down.

There were huge snow banks on either side of the road from the snowplows having come through the day before. We’d had a pretty good snowfall; eight inches in 24 hours, not record breaking for this part of the country, but still a lot.

Suddenly the car was sliding. We were heading right for the snow bank. “Oh, Lord, please…” the car jerked. It slammed into the snow throwing me forward then back against the seat. We came to a complete stop.

We sat there for several seconds, breathing hard, somewhat shell shocked.

When I was finally able to open my eyes I snapped them shut again, panic setting in. Slowly I opened them again. “Rob, there isn’t anything in front of us.”

Slowly I turned my head. The fence and the snow bank were right at my car door. We had gone through them. Looking ahead again I realized we might actually be hanging over the edge of the hill. I wondered where the front wheels were.

“Brian, are you okay?”

“Yeah, Dad, I think so.”

“Okay, you need to move very slowly. Take off your seat belt and open your door. Then I want you to get out and move away from the car.”

“But, Dad!”

“Do as I say! Now!”

After Brian got out, Rob turned to me. “Can you open your door?”

“I think so, enough to get out, at least.”

“Okay, do it very slowly, no sudden movements, okay?”

“Rob…”

“I love you, now go.”

“I love you, too, I’m sorry about my attitude.”

“I know, I am too.”

Slowly I opened my door. It seemed we had slid at enough of an angle that there was room for my door to open. I got out and skittered on the ice as I made my way to the road.

It was a couple more minutes, then, slowly Rob opened his door and cautiously made his way to join us. We looked at the car. It was literally hanging over the edge of the hill. We looked down. Straight down. At the bottom of the hill was a farm pond. Had the car gone even one inch farther I’m sure we would have landed face down in it. I carefully walked to where I could see the front of the car. I totally expected to see a giant hand print on the hood where God had put his hand out to stop us.

We stood there about twenty minutes, wondering what to do. The farmer from the bottom of the hill drove up on his tractor and pulled us back. We looked at the tracks in the snow, our front wheels had just barely been on the ground.

Slowly we got back in the car and made our way to church.

When we walked in the door the congregation was singing. Rob gave my hand a squeeze as we joined in.

“I was sinking, deep in sin
Far from the peaceful shore
Very deeply, stained within
Sinking to rise no more
But the Master of the sea
Heard my despairing cry
From the waters, lifted me
Now safe am I.

Love lifted me! Love lifted me!
When nothing else could help,
Love lifted me.”


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This article has been read 536 times
Member Comments
Member Date
c clemons02/20/10
Loved this, although I think another title to tie in with the content would be the cherry on top. If this is a true story then to God be all the glory! If not, good job writing anyway.
Carol Penhorwood 02/22/10
Absolutely spine chilling! Saved by the hand of God. I too have had some "close calls" in my life and know the power of God's saving love. Praise His holy name! Great writing!
Barbara Lynn Culler02/22/10
I knew something was going to happen! Kept me riveted.
Great story.
Virgil Youngblood 02/22/10
You kept my attention throughout. Good writing, for sure.
Jackie Wilson02/22/10
Enjoyed this story of near-catastrophe. Certainly was a phew moment!
Ada Nett02/23/10
Your story was interesting and well-written...I especially like the part about looking for God's hand print on the front of the car, a very tangible credit to our soul and life saving God.
Sarah Elisabeth 02/23/10
What relief! I loved the thought of a giant handprint on the car...what a picture.

The opening line was a little rough, I had to read it a couple of times to get my bearings.

The song lyrics at the end were perfect.
Author Unknown02/23/10
I literally was sitting up straight leaning in towards the monitor-- that's how good you grabbed me. And I like the hymn at the end, too. Well done. That red ink was my smiley face. My regular red pen says maybe watch paragraphing & in the middle I had to re-read quick to see who was saying what-- but, overall, nicely done!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 02/23/10
My heart was pounding the whole way through. When I got to the end I realized I'd been holding my breath. That's a pretty good job of writing if you made the reader too scared to move. Excellent.
Lollie Hofer 02/23/10
Riveting, excellent use of this week's topic. Strong dialogue, believable characters. The hand of God...gotta love it.
Beth LaBuff 02/23/10
Wow! Gripping story, I got chills when I read the song words at the end. Great work!
Mariane Holbrook02/24/10
This is such a winner! You couldn't have dragged me away from the computer while I was reading it, if you tried. Talk about hair-raising! You did a great job putting all this together. Big time Kudos to you!
Yvonne Blake 02/24/10
Phew! is right! Wow...scary situation!
Edmond Ng 02/25/10
Love this piece! Very well written, and holding the readers spellbound. I like the part where Rob acknowledge it must be the hand of God holding the car to stop the fall. I also like relieving conclusion with the ending lyrics of the song.
Cindy Carver02/25/10
I too loved the image of the handprint on the hood. I did get a bit confused with the dialog, who was who a few times. I like the time in to church and the hymn. Nice job.
Sarah Elisabeth 02/25/10
Awesome Carole, congrats on your EC placing! Whoohoo!
Beth LaBuff 02/25/10
Carole, Congrats on your ribbon AND your Editor's Choice!!
Pam Carlson-Hetland02/25/10
Excellent story, Carole. It certainly kept my interest all the way through. I, too, really liked the imagery of God's handprint. Congrats on your EC win.
Genia Gilbert02/27/10
Hey, Arkansas Friend! Just realized that you got an EC this week. Congratulations! Very good writing. Write on!