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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Phew! (02/11/10)
Characters:
Narrator
Elizabeth
Dawna
Jerome
Jordan

Scenes:
School hallway, row of lockers
Restaurant, table with 2 chairs

NARRATOR
Elizabeth was a homely girl in middle school. Elizabeth’s plain looks and old-fashioned dresses made her and easy target for bullies. Unfortunately for Elizabeth, the bullies came from all directions, both male and female. Their disdain and cruel teasing made them feel powerful, but one day…

JEROME
(slams a locker door shut, holding a book and notebook)
Hey, look who’s comin’, it’s Granny Elizabeth!

JORDAN
Phew! Look-at that dress, it’s disgusting.

ELIZABETH
(walks on stage) Good Morning, Jordan--

JEROME
(walks over and interrupts Elizabeth)
(mocks Elizabeth) Good Morning, Jordan. Why are you so extra disgusting, today, e-Lizard-beth?

JORDAN
Yeah, what’s up with that? You never talked to me before.

JEROME
Maybe she wants to eat you for dinner.

JORDAN
(acting scared) Yikes! It’s Godzilla-beth!
(grabs his throat)
Help! Help!

JEROME
(laughs out loud) Dude, you’re crazy.

DAWNA
(walks on stage) Leave Elizabeth alone. Now, go!

JEROME
But, Dawna, we’re just havin’ fun—

JORDAN
Maybe I should salt my arm first? Whaddya think, Lizzie? Would it taste better?
Arrrrrrrrgh!

ELIZABETH
I think you should tell—

DAWNA
Git! Both of you, get outta here! Just git!
(Jerome and Jordan exit stage)

ELIZABETH
Thanks Dawna.

DAWNA
Phew! Those two are disgusting. They remind me of the mice in our lab—always gnawin’ at somethin’—or someone. Maybe I should name two of our mice after them?

ELIZABETH
That would be funny!

DAWNA
Hey, Elizabeth, let’s go grab somethin’ to eat before I walk you home.

ELIZABETH
Okay. I have some great news.

DAWNA
Awesome, girlfriend. I need to hear some good news.


+++


Scene Change: Restaurant. Small table and 2 chairs, center stage.

DAWNA
(walks on stage, carrying a tray of food, and sits down on one side of the table)
Phew! This food gets worser every week. Is that a word? Worser?

ELIZABETH
(walks on stage with Dawna, carrying a tray of food and sits on the other side of the table)
Worser? Maybe just plain awful. (laughs)

DAWNA
Girl, you have a funny way with words. Now come on, tell me what’s happenin’, or what happened. I know, I know I did all the talkin’ on the way over here.

ELIZABETH
Well, where can I start? (pauses, looks down at her food, then looks back up) Dawna, I’ve been born again.

DAWNA
Whaddya mean, girl? You’re in love!?

ELIZABETH
I guess you could put it that way. I’m in love with Jesus.

DAWNA
Oh, okay. Go on.

ELIZABETH
Last night, my parents took me to a wonderful church service. The preacher told us that Jesus loves us, and died for our sins. Then he asked us to come forward and repent. I was ballin’ up a storm, asking God to forgive me for all my sins. Then— Dawna what’s wrong?

DAWNA
(wipes away tears with restaurant napkins) Oh, don’t you fuss about me. I’ve been prayin’ and askin’ God to help you see Jesus.

ELIZABETH
Well, I saw Him last night. I see Him now. The preacher came over and asked me a simple thing. Raise your hands, Elizabeth. I did, and God filled me with the Holy Spirit.

DAWNA
Oh, Elizabeth, that’s wonderful. How did you know?

ELIZABETH
I spoke in tongues. It was amazing. God was speakin' through me! Then he asked my parents, then me, Would it be okay if we baptized you right now?

DAWNA
Did you do it?

ELIZABETH
(pulls out a photograph) Yes, here it is! I was baptized in the name of Jesus Christ, for the remission of my sins, just like it says in Acts 2, verse 38.

DAWNA
Awesome, girlfriend. I wish I coulda been there. I was at my own church.

ELIZABETH
Oh, I know—that’s okay. It woulda been nice—

JEROME
(walks up to the table) Hey, what’s this?
(grabs the photograph) Godzilla-beth comes out of the sea to attack Tokyo?

JORDAN
(walks up behind Jerome) Come on Jerome, we better leave them alone.

JEROME
Phew! What’s gotten into you, Jor-Jor binks?

JORDAN
That picture is Elizabeth getting baptized. I was there last night.

JEROME
Wha—what!? You went to church? No way!

JORDAN
Way. I was there. I’m going back this Sunday.

JEROME
You’re kidding.

JORDAN
Elizabeth, I don’t know how to say it, so I’ll just say it.
(stoops down)
Please forgive me for being so cruel to you at school.

ELIZABETH
I forgive you.

JEROME
Phew! I’m outta here.



+++

Reference: Acts Chapter 2:1-4, 36-39 (King James Version)
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Member Comments
Member
Date
c clemons
02/20/10
Interesting, but has been told almost this way a thousand times, the stage play concept is a good idea, though. Keep writing, and allow the creative juices to flow!
Mark Bell
02/22/10
you show some good narrative skills. you stuck your format well, too. but, i have to agree, this particular story has been told a lot. you demonstrate the creativity to explore lots of other possibilities, and I look forward to reading them in the future. keep up the good work.