Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Ohhh…. (02/04/10)
TITLE: From His Heart....to Mine
By Julia May
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The rain splattering on the windshield was mesmerizing. The dark clouds in the sky mirrored my emotions…bleak and depressing. I sat as if in a trance on the parking lot unwilling to venture into my office just yet on this wet Monday morning. It was like one of those frozen moments in time - I felt so alone, so distant…from anyone or anything. “What is wrong with you?” I scolded myself. “You have to snap out of it.” It was happening more and more. I couldn’t find my joy, my peace, my Savior. It seemed heaven’s doors had been tightly closed and locked to my prayers. I was at the point that I couldn’t even pray anymore. Who was listening anyway? I told myself.
For a couple years I had been praying for my unsaved family to fall in love with Jesus, as I had. At first I think they thought this was just another one of Mom’s ‘fads.’ Were they right? God, I hope not. But where is God now? Why do I feel so tired, so alone and…so joyless? Why does God feel so distant? Is it just a fantasy world? Am I someone that NEEDS to believe in something because I am weak and can’t handle life on my own? God, please say it ain’t so! I need to know You are real, Jesus! I need to know You are with me and that You will never leave me or forsake me!
As teardrops started falling, the rain came down even harder. A groan from deep within me came out. I was in complete brokenness….yet unable to pray. Still, I couldn’t put my finger on the reason I was so broken. I don’t know how long I sat in that parking lot. Maybe a few minutes or it could have been a couple hours.
God took me on a journey that Monday morning that will forever be etched into my soul. He touched me and showed me great and mighty things that I had not known. Almost unwillingly my hand picked up the Bible on the front seat. It opened to Psalm 139. My eyes began to read;
O lord, thou hast searched me, and known me. Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off. Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O LORD, thou knowest it altogether. Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it. Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence? If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me. If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me. Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee. How had I missed these passages before?
Suddenly it hit me right between the eyes. Ohhh!!!! God had not abandoned me! Maybe I was going through a “dry” spell in my walk with God. Just because I couldn’t “feel” His presence with me, didn’t mean He was not here. This passage spoke right into my being. It gave me peace and hope. I knew it was a direct communication from God to me – from His heart to mine. I continued reading….
How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee.
Wow….His thoughts toward me are precious! I was elated. God poured the extra ounce of faith into me that day – just when I needed it. His Spirit made the intercession I needed when I didn’t know what to pray for. He turned my mourning into joy and praising! I love the way my Savior loves me…He always knows just what I need….and when I need it.
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