Margaret and Jim, for all their differences, were in love and had been since they started matriculating together at Cranford College.
They met in the dining room where she was busy waiting on tables and he was busy trying to get her attention.
Finally, Jim borrowed a stepladder from Maintenance, propped it outside her dorm window and climbed to the top, bearing a poster board which read “MARGARET SCOTT, WILL YOU MARRY ME?”
Jim smiled to himself. “I like getting right to the point.”
His “point” lasted 6 hours, with students cheering, horns blowing, cameras clicking.
Margaret finally had had enough. Marching outside, she pushed over the step ladder with Jim still on it. Spread-eagled on his back on hardened ground, Jim moaned loudly, “Ohhh, Ohhh!”
“OK, Bozo, I’ll go with you to the game Saturday night. Pick me up at 7. And stop embarrassing me,” she warned.
Soon they were studying together every night and dating every weekend.
One morning, three years after their first date, Jim called Margaret’s parents. He wanted to ask Margaret to marry him.
Margaret’s parents liked Jim and except for his propensity toward pranks, felt he
would be a good husband for Margaret. It would help if he just grew up.
After receiving their blessing and agreeing to keep their conversation a secret, he phoned his parents who were also delighted with the unexpected news. Good luck with the growing up part.
That Saturday night, Jim drove Margaret to Inspiration Point, a spot high above the Hudson River where couples retreated “for inspirational purposes.”
After the usual embracing, Jim said quietly, “Honey, will you marry me? Let’s get married this summer!” Jim held out a velvet-lined box containing a lovely solitaire diamond. She stared at it speechless, then looked at Jim and began to cry.
“Ohhh yes, I’ll marry you, darling. I love you so!” She kissed him and asked if their parents knew.
“Yes, they know and are pleased. They insist on paying our college expenses for our senior year so we can graduate. Then we’ll be on our own financially while we work toward our master’s degrees.”
Unable to contain her excitement, Margaret chattered non-stop about the wedding and the reception.
After about an hour, Jim slowly began to pick an argument, contradicting her on one enthusiasm, but the joke he had dreamed up for this moment required that he do just that.
Soon they were engaged in a full-blown lover’s quarrel.
“Maybe we’re being too hasty about this wedding,” cried Margaret, pulling away from him. She jerked open the car door and angrily marched to the edge of Inspiration Point just steps away.
Jim hurried to stand beside her.
“You’re right, Margaret. If this is what married life is going to be like, I’m not even sure I want to be married to you!”
With that, Jim wrestled the diamond from her finger and threw it with all his might into the Hudson River far below.
Margaret screamed. “You idiot! I can’t believe you did such a foolish thing! What’s wrong with you, anyway? Marrying you would be the absolutely worst thing I could possibly do!”
She ran to the car with Jim fast behind her. Inside, pressed tightly against the car door, she buried her face in her hands, sobbing, “Ohhh, Ohhh.”
Jim sat quietly beside her, staring at the river below.
After several minutes of strained silence, Jim asked meekly, “Are you ready to put your diamond back on, honey? What I threw in the river was a cheap, fake ring. Here’s your real diamond. I planned the whole thing as a joke, that’s all. Please forgive me.”
Margaret stopped crying long enough to let it sink in. She should have known he would pull something like this. After awhile, she began warming up to his embrace. She dried her tears and Jim slipped the diamond back onto her finger. “Ohhh, Jim,” she whispered.
They were married in August. During the ceremony, a friend of the groomsmen slipped outside to spread Limburger, a shockingly odorous cheese, all over the radiator in Jim’s new car.
After the reception when the exuberant couple slowly drove away from the waving crowd, Jim’s car radiator began to heat up the foul-smelling Limburger cheese.
The eight groomsmen high-fived each other when they heard Jim yelling “Ohhh, Ohhh, Ohhh,” while desperately trying to open the professionally-locked windows.
And that’s when Jim began to hear the unmistakable hissing sound of four new tires going flat.
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