Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  

Win A Publishing Package HERE            

The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



Share
how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Ohhh…. (02/04/10)

TITLE: Oh Doonk!
By Lizzy Ainsworth
02/05/10


 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 ADD TO MY FAVORITES

She reached out clambering hands. Pulling, tugging, grabbing at the coffee table’s edge. Grasping she pulled herself up, pushing chubby legs up past the bunched fabric of her nappy and pilchers.
Placing her tiny hands palm down on the table and resting her mouth against it seemed to be the surest way of keeping her balance, but sometimes this backfired if she jolted, causing her two tiny needle point teeth to bite into the hard wood.
Finally she turned with a gooby grin towards where the entire occupants of the room watched in fascination and a little trepidation at her daring exploits, willing her to keep her balance.
Squealing happily and exulting in her achievement, she let go of the table, balancing for a split second, and then . . . oh doonk! with a totter she fell backwards unto her padded bottom, glancing up at the table with indignation and surprise.
Crawling back towards the legs she pulled herself up again, and again, and again, but sometimes it did not end so well. Sometimes when she pulled herself up, she did not fall on her bottom, but on her head. Sometimes she was not pulling herself up on a sturdy coffee table, but a slippery, wet porcelain bathtub, and when she rested her hands and mouth on the surface, her feet slipped out and her mouth bit the porcelain stinging and bruising the tender implements within. Then it was OH DOONK!. She fell backwards, and holding her breath for sixty seconds she would suddenly release with an almighty scream. Only one thing could settle her when this happened; the loving arms of big sisters or parents and a soothing nurse at the breast as she sobbed out her woes, while the sisters alternatively chuckled, clucked and gently scolded.
Sometimes we do that, though. We are so excited about something that we think God has said to us, that we don’t test the revelation, but we pull ourselves up by it while everyone watches anxiously – what will happen? We rest on it with our mouths and we tell everyone what we think and then suddenly in a burst of pride and excitement we let go and smile at the room and oh doonk! We’ve fallen in a heap. Sometimes it is not too bad, but sometimes it is life shattering; we bite the bath, we hit our head on some unseen object, we slip and . . . OH DOONK! We lie on the floor and hold our breath, the pain is blinding and then almighty screams of WHY? Erupt violently from our spirit.
God reaches out His arms from where He has always been sitting, right near us and gathers us up, while our friends cluck and coo and offer us wisdom. Nothing is certain any more, nothing but the solid, soothing Word of God. We stay quietly nursing, recovering, sobbing until we crawl on and pull ourselves up again. One day we’ll learn to stand, on a firm foundation. One day we’ll learn to walk with God holding our hand.
Written by one who has just had a bite the bath, slipping over, hit the head, hold your breath and scream WHY? OH DOONK month.


The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


This article has been read 283 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Author Unknown02/11/10
I enjoyed this but had to re-read the first paragraphs twice (because the preceeding entry was about an elderly woman who'd fallen-- had my own, Ohhh moment figuring it out). I like the perspective and the lesson. And, I love the expressions that seem to come from the other side of the big pond :) I'd watch paragraph sizes, maybe a little more variation, but all in all, I liked it.
Gina Fifo02/13/10
Very cute and creative. I could see the little one's struggle. Great comparison to our struggles as well. I noticed an overuse of the word "sometimes" and agree with previous comment on paragraph size.
Brenda Shipman 02/14/10
I loved all the fun words in this entry: nappy, pilchers, gooby grin, and of course, the "oh doonk!" was so descriptive of the falling down. Good transition from the toddler's struggles to our own with the sentence, "Sometimes we do that, though." Definitely needs spacing between the paragraphs. And I do hope your "oh doonk" month has been enriched with lots of those comforting friends & loved ones! :)
c clemons02/16/10
With some polishing this can be a very good entry.