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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Ohhh…. (02/04/10)

TITLE: What Happened?
By Freda Douglas
02/05/10


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"Ohhh, what just happened me?" said Coralee, as she felt the raised knot on her head. She made an effort to get up, but her right leg, which was useless because of her stroke, wouldn't cooperate

She finally gave up trying to get up, and reached for her neck, looking for her medic alert button. Finding it, she pressed it and, when the operator
came on, told the pleasant voice on the other end of the line her name,
addres, she had fallen out of her wheelchair, she wasn't hurt, she needed to be picked up. She also told the operator to ask the responders not to use the siren.

She was lying on the living room floor, and certainly didn't need curious and nosey neighbors starting rumors about how badly she was hurt. The neighbors didn't pay any attention to her normally. She didn't want their attention now.

Finally the medics were there. They looked like giants from her position
on the floor, but as they straighened her legs out she couldn't resist a barely discernible ohhh when they moved her legs.

As they picked her up and put her into her wheelchair Coralee felt their 'gentleness as a giant.'


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This article has been read 280 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Gina Fifo02/13/10
You started out strong and your writing is good, but you led me to believe that this story was going to be about a lonely woman, with neighbors who ignore her and I was disappointed at the end.
Brenda Shipman02/14/10
I feel like this has lots of potential, but needs to be developed more. It seemed to just end abruptly, leaving the reader to wonder what the author was trying to communicate. Do keep writing, though; I see descriptive strengths in this story.
c clemons02/16/10
Your title is exactly right, "what happen" to the rest of the story. It's as thought you had this part written and something "happen" to prevent you from finishing the story, so you submitted what you had. I thought the start was very good, but very disappointed that you did not finish.