The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/08/10
I love your title and this is well-written. The only thing I have a problem with is how the teacher attacked the mother. I would hope a professional wouldn't go about it that way. This is such a sad story. I would like to know what happens to the little girl.
The story left me with chills. My daughter has worked as an elementary school guidance counselor, I fear this scenario is far too often true.
I wish the teacher might have been more gentle, but it is very believable. I find myself hoping the teacher will be able to do something when the girl doesn't come back to school. Very well done.
02/09/10
This was all kinds of phenomenal. Enthralling, deep, and sadly realistic. Excellent.
02/09/10
You've caught the atmosphere very well. Great story-telling, although very sad and real subject. My stomach was even reacting to the emotion; obviously your writing merits praise. The people in your story, however, merit something else entirely.
02/09/10
Very well done! I could cut the tension with a knife as I read along this true-to-life entry. All of us would hope for different approach by those in authority...but most of the time this is the result. Straight out of the daily news.
Mona
I was confused at the beginning and did not understand what was going on.
Then I got it. So scary and so sad.

Maybe if you used italics for the flashbacks, it would have been easier to follow.

Great writing!

The reader cannot help but feel for this child. Sometimes I think one's imagination is a grace from God in that we are able to escape - even if but for a moment - the terrors of the life around us.
02/09/10
Oh, what a horrible life for a child to endure! You described it so vividly, I felt that I was right there with her. Awesome writing, terrifying story. Very well done.
02/11/10
Very descriptive and very sad, for the child's having to detach herself from the adults will denying her any real skill in handling stress as she matures.