The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/08/10
Wow! This is quite a story. I enjoyed your humorous touches throughout. Your title is perfect!
Great use of similes throughout the story. It made visual images pop in my head as I read. One minor change that I would suggest is with the line, "My retreat felt like an ant slogging through syrup in slow motion." The "in slow motion" isn't really needed. The "ant slogging through syrup" alreadys gives the idea of someone really struggling to move so it seemed redundant to add the "in slow motion" to it.
02/12/10
Delightful story.

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