The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/06/10
You write well. There wasn't overt emphasis on the Grr but you made the story flow very nicely.
02/07/10
There wasn't really a grrr moment here. The tie end of teenage angst and the children of Israel was quite a stretch also. Keep writing.
You did a good job on capturing a teen's dialogue complete with whining and sighing.
I would say the 'grrr' was clear in the teen's attitude throughout the story. It was a good representation of the decisions youth are sometimes forced to make, but realize it can turn out good in the end. Good writing.
02/10/10
I thought the story flowed smoothly with good transitions; however, the dialogue seemed unbelievable to me, a bit cliche with the whole teenage attitude thing. Good job with the structure of it, though.