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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Huh? (01/21/10)

TITLE: Not Like The Other Boys
By Celeste Ammirata


Becky sneered as Helen stumbled over Becky’s backpack, lying on the locker room floor. “Oh, Helen, I am so sorry,” she said, laughing inwardly.

Helen pushed herself up, shoved the hair back from her face. She smiled. “Oh, that’s okay. I should have been watching where I was going.”

Becky resisted the urge the slap the smile off the captain of the varsity cheerleading squad. “It should have been me,” Becky thought for the thousandth time. “I’m the one who should be captain. Everyone knows that! Why they picked miss goody-two shoes over me, I’ll never know. They’re nothing but a bunch of idiots!”

“I’ll see you outside,” she said, sauntering away, pom-poms in hand, ponytail bouncing. She hurried out to the track, not far from where the football players trained. She loved practicing their routines outside. It gave her a chance to show off her skills, and the way she filled out her cheerleading outfit. She looked down at the uniforms Helen picked out for their senior year, and rolled her eyes. “Totally absurd! We’re cheerleaders, not singing in a church choir.”

Her grim thoughts dissipated as the football players took the field. “Hi Brian,” she yelled as he ran by.

“Hey,” he said, without stopping. Brian was the guy every girl in school dreamed about. He stood six feet, four inches tall, had dark hair and even darker eyes. And his smile could make a girl forget her name.

Becky noticed the way Helen’s eyes lit up whenever she saw him. Like she’d ever have a shot with a guy like him. Helen never shied away from talking about her faith. One night, they’d all gone out for pizza after practice. She proudly announced she was a virgin and intended to stay that way until her wedding night. A few other girls made the same declaration. Oh please! Did they really think they’d find a guy who would wait that long?

The other girls ran out to the field and Becky played nice. After all, she could afford to. She had a secret. She had called Brian a few times and he finally agreed to meet with her that evening. She smiled as she thought about the day she’d be able to brag that Brian was hers. They’d all be green with envy. Finally, she’d have her revenge!

Practiced ended. Becky rushed home, showered, dressed, and expertly applied her make-up. She heard his car pull into the driveway and took one last look in the mirror, front and back, before running to the door. When she pulled it open, her eyes grew wide in surprise. There stood Brian. Wow. Boys usually waited for her in their car.

Kids from school swarmed the small pizza shop. “Perfect,” Becky thought. “By tomorrow it’ll be all over the school.” She smiled again, imagining the look on poor Helen’s face when she realized she’d never have Brian.

Back in his car, she suggested they go to a place where kids went to be alone. “The view is amazing,” she said, when he hesitated.

At the overlook, they talked for a while. Then Becky moved in for the kill. She kissed him the way she knew drove boys crazy. He groaned, and she slid her hands under his shirt.

He pushed her away. “Becky, what are you doing?”

“Don’t you like it?” She could tell by the look in his eyes that he did. She bit her lip, thinking. Then scooted closer, and tried something her last boyfriend had taught her.

Brian shoved her away. “Look Becky, I have to get home.” He shook his head as he turned the key and revved up the engine.

He walked her to the door, but leaned away when she tried to kiss him.

She couldn’t believe it. No guy had ever stopped her before. They always took it as far as she would go. What is his problem? Does he think he's better than me?

Over the next weeks, he all but ignored her attempts at small talk.

Then one day, Helen ran into the locker room, her face beaming. “Brian asked me to be his girlfriend,” she gushed.

Becky, in an attempt to hide her rage, bent down to re-tie her sneakers.

“He asked me to the home-coming dance,” Helen told her captive audience. “I can’t believe it, after all this time. I mean, I’ve liked him since he joined our church youth group two years ago.”

Becky’s head snapped up. “Huh?”

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This article has been read 481 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Lollie Hofer01/30/10
Ouch! Great ending. I enjoyed the way the story read, realistic teenage voice for the mc. You dialogue was also well done.
Shelley Ledfors 01/30/10
Ooh--you really "nailed" the topic! I like the skill with which you present teen thoughts / attitudes / actions. Great story!
Beth LaBuff 02/01/10
Great message and the "huh?" moment is very satisfying! Good work!
Joy Faire Stewart02/01/10
Oh, I enjoyed this well written story. Perfect on topic and ending.
Chely Roach02/01/10
You did a fantastic job with Becky's character--very realistic. The "huh?" moment was well played, though the title gave it away a little. Well paced, and great writing with a spot on message. Excellent!
Lisa Harris02/01/10
Great writing! Loved your story...perfect ending.
Gregory Kane02/02/10
This was really good. I was surprised by the ending and that takes some doing. An excellent morality tale
Sharlyn Guthrie02/02/10
Good lesson, and nice ending. I would have liked it even better if Becky had seen Helen and Brian together, instead of Helen boasting about Brian asking her out.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 02/03/10
Wonderful story, especially the way teen sex is being portrayed on TV. Your story was well written and refreshing.
Amanda Brogan02/03/10
I could guess where it was going when Brian was polite enough to meet Becky outside her door. I enjoyed seeing what you did with it! Loved the ending! Brian and Helen were perfect for each other! And Becky certainly learned her lesson . . . there are some decent Christian guys out there who are ready to wait for marriage. :)