The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
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Date
01/28/10
Yum, now I want cheesy fries and a coke! Good detail to keep threaded throughout the story. I liked that there was a happy ending, but I would've liked a tad more "story" in it. Good job though!
01/30/10
I wasn't expecting the ending and loved the 'food' for thought.
01/30/10
I enjoyed your descriptions, they were quite vivid. I liked how the story took a different turn there at the end.
01/31/10
I was expecing a different ending, but this story was well-written. Thanks for sharing!
01/31/10
A good message and I liked the atmosphere you conjured up. My main suggestion would be that I felt you didn't do justice to your homeless person. Your waitress was well painted in strong hues of disdain and self-importance. I was surprised then that in all the Bible discussion, your MC didn't manage to establish the man's name. He was and remained a stranger.
02/01/10
Loved the "guy-ness" of your writing. Your use of potent and perfect words was exemplary.

Virgil, looking forward to sharing with you over in the new forum, The Men's Den.
02/01/10
Great message! I could see every detail in this well-written story.
02/01/10
Very atmospheric, credible writing; though I'm also looking for a little more interaction or follow-through. Not a "for full conversion just add water" kind of close; but since the guy got a New Testament with his fries and coke, another chapter is waiting. Maybe outside the 750 word limit.
02/02/10
What a lovely, thought provoking story. Loved the message at the end. Well done!