The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
01/22/10
Very well written.I started getting nervous for Doris the moment she eyed the spider.

The only critique I would have is, I saw the ending coming well in advance. Doris breaking the vase was obviously coming, but I also predicted that the owner would eventually give the vase to Doris as a thank-you. I'm wondering if it couldn't be tweaked some to avoid the predictability.

The dialogue was very good--making the story move along at a good pace.
01/24/10
This reminded me of the story "The Necklace" with a slight twist. Good characters and dialogue.
I could also see it coming. Honesty is always the best policy!
01/25/10
Oh, I loved the phrase apocalyptic crash...
Fantastic descriptions, and a great title. A tad predictable, yes, but in the same manner that a parable can be predictable, so that redeems it for me. Excellent writing.
Sue, we could see the ending coming, but that's part of the fun-trying to think like the author. You did a beautiful job with the descriptions. I could even smell the dusty vase. Thank you for a nice story.
Shann
Oh my! That gave me the 'oogies' in the pit of my stomach as soon as Doris picked up the vase. What an awful feeling she and her husband must have had when they found out they'd been left the vase.
Very enjoyable; the ending shows one of the consequences of being less than truthful.
01/26/10
Good writing. An enjoyable story and a good reminder of the benefits of honesty, even if predictable.
Definitely on topic and a fun read. There is a good lesson here.
I was worried the moment you mentioned the value of the vase. Very well written!
01/26/10
Beautiful descriptions, believable dialogue. Who cares if it was predictable, it makes me feel smart! Ha.