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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Postcards (08/29/05)

TITLE: Jingles by Joyce
By Jan Ackerson
08/29/05


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“Win $1000!” the advertisement screamed. “Make money writing jingles and slogans!” I put down the magazine, my brain already filling up with ideas. Quick, I thought, write these down before your head starts to leak.

I looked at the ad one more time. It was a perfect opportunity. Superior Products, Inc., was looking for catchy little verses to help sell their products, and I was an aspiring writer. This will be a breeze…a piece of cake…like taking candy from a baby…as long as I avoid clichés…

I sat at my computer, ready to write the first slogan. As I stared at the screen, waiting for inspiration, I remembered that an English teacher had once told me to strive for an economy of words. I can do that…I wrote the motto for Brilliant Disinfectant Cleanser in just two short lines:

CLEANING KITCHENS IS OUR JOB
BUT GOODNESS GRACIOUS, YOU’RE A SLOB!


The directions in the advertisement stated to write the slogan on the back of a postcard and mail it to Superior Products’ headquarters. I dropped the postcard with the Brilliant Disinfectant slogan into the mailbox, and began the long wait for a response.

When several weeks went by and I hadn’t heard from them, I decided to submit a few more verses. Perhaps that slogan was too short, I thought. I determined to make my next attempt longer—maybe even something that they could set to music. I chose a product I was very familiar with, and wrote a jingle for Zowie! Cola.

WONDER WHAT THAT RACKET IS?
WE’RE THE POP WITH TWICE THE FIZZ!
OTHER SODAS YOU JUST SLURP,
ZOWIE’S THE POP TO MAKE YOU BURP!


Surely Superior Products would recognize the excellence in that lyric. It had rhyme, it had meter, it had interesting verbs—in short, it had everything they were looking for. I sent off the second postcard, full of plans for the $1000 check that would certainly be arriving soon. But rather than simply waiting passively for the money, I wrote a third jingle, this one for Krystal Kool, the mouthwash.

DO FRIENDS ALL RUN THE OTHER WAY
IF YOU HAD CHEESE FOR LUNCH TODAY?
DO PEOPLE GASP AND WISH FOR DEATH
WHEN THEY SMELL YOUR GARLIC BREATH?
USE REFRESHING KRYSTAL KOOL!


The postcard with the mouthwash jingle crossed in the mail with a response from Superior Products to my first ad. It read:

“We are sorry that your ad for Brilliant Disinfectant does not meet our needs at this time.”

Over the next few weeks, I collected a few more postcards from Superior Products; my two jingles also “did not meet their needs.” I was beginning to believe that they had no appreciation for my bold approach to jingle writing. Try something different, I told myself. They don’t like your poetry—maybe just some classic advertising copy.

After a few moments’ thought, I wrote a line that was sure to show up in pharmacies and health stores across the country.

ARE YOU LYING AT DEATH’S DOOR?
SUPERIOR VITAMINS WILL PULL YOU THROUGH!


I dropped a fourth postcard into the mailbox.

That $1000 check is going to come any day now, I just know it. I’m going to use the money to advertise my own services as a jingle writer; I’m thinking this may be a new career move for me. Here’s how I’ll bill myself:

JINGLES BY JOYCE
CUSTOMERS WON’T BE ABLE TO FORGET YOUR SLOGAN
NO MATTER HOW HARD THEY TRY!



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This article has been read 1655 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Sandra Petersen 09/05/05
A brilliant (sorry for the play of words on the first product!) treatise on the angst of all writers: the hope of being 'published', the waiting, and the fall-flat feeling of rejection. And then the pick-me-up, brush-me-off and try-again spirit that distinguishes writers.
Thank you for this hilarious entry!!
Al Boyce09/05/05
Reminds me of a slogan I came up with (in poorest of taste) after the Oklahoma City ing:

Ryder Truck: More Bang for your Buck!

Good read.
Al
Pat Guy 09/05/05
Let me guess - no I think I'll wait till Thursday! Great fun and a great read!
dub W09/05/05
Ain't da truth :)
Anita Neuman09/06/05
Cute. This was a FUN read!
Debra Brand09/08/05
Very clever and very much what we go through. Some people actually write this way. So sad! Good work.
Karen Ward09/08/05
Poor Joyce! She really made me smile. Oh, I hope I'm not Joyce! She does seem truly oblivious!
Jan Warrick09/08/05
I love this entry. Sounds like some of the jingles my hubby comes up with. :) You made me smile today. Thank you.
Brandi Roberts09/09/05
This was very cute Jan! Good job! Thanks for sharing!
Tammy Johnson09/09/05
A lot of fun! And it flowed wonderful, nice angle on postcards, and the slogans were so cute! How could they pass those up. :) Nice job!
Julianne Jones09/09/05
Sooooo funny! And such a creative approach to the topic. Please don't let me be like Joyce! Well done.
Crista Darr09/09/05
I really did LOL! Great work as always:)