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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Ow! (01/07/10)

TITLE: Removal
By Rachel Rudd


The doctor grabbed the man by the arm and felt his pulse. ”Where does it hurt?” he asked the patient.

”All over,” the patient replied.

”What happens when I press my hand into your shoulder?”

“That hurts.”

“Hmmm, the doctor replied. “I am going to need some assistance. Nurse, nurse,” the doctor called out. “We have a problem.”

“What do you need me to do, doctor?” the nurse questioned while wiping sweat off the patient’s brow.

“Call Doctor John in. I am going to need more assistance. I am going to continue to examine this patient.” The nurse walked out of the room while the doctor continued his procedure. “Now, what happens when I press your chest right here above your lungs?”

“Well, it feels like a hundred tiny men are mining for rocks.”

“Strange, very strange. Okay, what about when I pull your arm up against your cheek?”

“It feels like I am hearing a hundred birds falling from the sky.”

“Stranger, much stranger. Okay, what happens when I squeeze your finger?”

“It feels like seven hundred mice are running up my arm and into my shoulder.”

Doctor John comes in and looks at the patient. “My, my, he looks very sick. Is there something that can be done?”

“I am not sure,” Doctor Rebecca replied. “I would like for you to check him out. Nurse, get me a hammer.”

“Yes, doctor. Right away.”

Doctor John removes his stethoscope from his Sesame Street bag and places it on the patient’s chest. “Hmmm, very odd.”

The patient, Daddy, studies the doctor’s face before asking, “Is it very serious doctor? Am I going to make it?”

“I am not sure,” Doctor John replies. “Your heart is beating like a muddy shoe in a puddle.”

Docor Rebecca looks at Doctor John, “I guess we will have to do the transplant.”

“A heart transplant?” the patient begins to life himself up from the operating bed covered with teddies bears and toys. “Will it hurt?”

“Just a little bit,” Doctor Rebecca said calmly before laughing. “Once I hit you with this hammer, though, you won’t feel a thing, Daddy.”

It seems like our change from being filthy disgusting sinners to God’s own people should be difficult, but yet as a child we are to come before the Father and ask for His forgiveness. Like the children in this story, God can simply remove our hard calloused hearts and replace it with a heart that is pliable to His love. Thankfully he doesn’t have to hit us with a hammer to knock us out, but he sure is knocking on our hearts to get us to listen!

And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart. And I will put my Spirit in you so that you will follow my decrees and be careful to obey my regulations. Ezekiel 36: 26, 27

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Member Comments
Member Date
Shannon Pannell01/16/10
That's funny! I love the patient's comments. Good point at the end too.
c clemons01/18/10
The connection between the children playing 'doctor' and the correlation of sinners coming to Christ was a little bit of a stretch. The dialogue for the child, or children did not sound authentic. Not what they said but how you wrote it. I don't think children would say. "I am not, probably I'm not, for example. Also a little more topic could have been incorporated.
Karlene Jacobsen01/18/10
Fun! I enjoyed this very much. With some extra editing it'll sparkle. Keep up the great writing.
Catrina Bradley 01/18/10
I can see these little ones doctoring their willing "patient" - very cute! You did change from past to present tense mid-way, and the shift into the devotion lesson was a bit abrupt, but it was a good illustration.
Carol Penhorwood 01/26/10
I liked it! Having ten grandchildren, I could see this happening! Loved that "Daddy" played along...sometimes daddies are just too busy!