The Official Writing Challenge
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That's funny! I love the patient's comments. Good point at the end too.
The connection between the children playing 'doctor' and the correlation of sinners coming to Christ was a little bit of a stretch. The dialogue for the child, or children did not sound authentic. Not what they said but how you wrote it. I don't think children would say. "I am not, probably I'm not, for example. Also a little more topic could have been incorporated.
Fun! I enjoyed this very much. With some extra editing it'll sparkle. Keep up the great writing.
I can see these little ones doctoring their willing "patient" - very cute! You did change from past to present tense mid-way, and the shift into the devotion lesson was a bit abrupt, but it was a good illustration.
I liked it! Having ten grandchildren, I could see this happening! Loved that "Daddy" played along...sometimes daddies are just too busy!