Well, I told you so, Marvin.
Marvini. My name is the Great Marvini.
Well, you don’t really expect me to call you that. Anyway… you don’t look so “great” right now.
Real supportive, Gladys. Hey! Watch what you’re doing, back there!
I’m being as gentle as I can. Some of these are pretty deep, Marvin.
Oh, come off it, Marvin. You wanted to be in the sideshow. Fine; you were in the sideshow. Look what happened because you were in that sideshow. You lay down on that bed of nails, and two seconds later you’re up; squealing like a greased pig - and now your back looks like a colander. Do you want more of the same, or are you finally ready to admit you were wrong - and go back to OUR act?
You just don’t get it, Gladys. I’m not going to be at the mercy of your spoiled little mutts for the rest of my life. I was destined for greater things.
My dogs are not mutts. And, we had a good act with them. If you weren’t so impatient with Princess and Lady, they’d…
Please, Gladys. Your dogs are impossibly spoiled and they aren’t the least bit talented. I could see audiences yawning whenever they did their stupid jumps and prances. Hey! Quit pulling at my hair, back there.
Then quit squirming around. And, the dogs’ tricks are NOT stupid. Besides, just how much “greater” is lying down on a bed of nails supposed to be? How is THAT supposed to fulfill your destiny for “great things”?
It starts with the name. I’m The GREAT Marvini, now. Once I get a reputation for doing amazing things, other circuses will be eager to get me. After a while, I’ll be on Leno…Letterman…Conan. Everyone’s gonna know my name. We’ll be rich. Think of it: you’ll be be married to a famous man. For Pete’s sake, Gladys – is it too much to ask for you not to make it hurt worse?”
Honestly, Marvin. For a guy who wants to be great, you sure do act like a baby.
Just watch it, Gladys. When I’m famous, you’ll be sorry you were so skeptical.
Oh, I can’t wait.
Is that sarcasm I hear? Well, you’ll see.
I’m sure. There’s just one thing I don’t understand, Marvin.
I thought the guy who taught you that stupid nail trick showed you how to do it so you wouldn’t get hurt.
So? What happened, oh “great” one?
What happened? I’ll tell you what happened. I did just what he told me to do, except that I used two different types of nails.
So what? You can only use “great” nails?
Ha ha, Gladys. Well, the reason the trick works in the first place is distribution of body weight. If I was to put just one nail on the board, it would mean all my weight was centered in one place, when I lay down – and that pressure would mean the nail would puncture my skin. But, by hammering in lots of nails, the pressure is divided over every part of my body, and it isn’t enough to hurt me.
Well, you certainly hammered enough nails into the board. What happened?
Well, I was about 20 nails short when I out of them, so I just grabbed the nearest nails I could find, to finish. But, those 20 nails were longer than the others – see them? - and since those nails stuck up much further, my body weight was divided by those 20 nails, instead of the full 800.
Thus, the 20 punctures in your back. I get it.
Well, I sure got it.
So… are you gonna try it again? Or are we going back to our old act?
Look: all I have to do is get another box of nails, and be sure they’re the same length as the 780 others, and I’ll be all set. When I do it for the audience, they’ll love it.
All right, Marvin. If you say so.
Marvini, Shmarmini. With my luck, you’ll be talking to Rudy, the Human Cannonball Guy, next.
Well, Rudy DID tell me how it’s done. It’s just a question of getting myself a new a catapult, and then ...
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