The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 659 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
01/14/10
Great voice! Loved the story.
01/14/10
Impressive use of topic for telling the truth. I enjoyed your story very much.
01/14/10
Loved your story! I could just see this happening! Very believable! Great job!
Completely enjoyable. Great movement through the story. Loved it and the lesson!
01/17/10
Interesting take on the topic. The dialogue/voice was nicely authentic. Great job!
Honestly? While I agree lying isn't right, I was a little bothered that he was punished so harshly for taking the blame, as he knew they both would lose all privileges if neither confessed and Mom wouldn't consider the triplets.

That's probably just me though. Good writing.
01/18/10
Intriguing story.....did the "boy" learn a lesson?:) Good writing, though. I enjoyed reading this. :)
01/18/10
sigh...I remember having to wash all the dishes in the cupboards because I didn't get the few ones clean I was supposed to wash. I learned my lesson.
I enjoyed the story very much and liked the way Mom put such a high price on telling the truth.
01/18/10
I like the light-hearted feel of the narration, but your MC sounds a little too happy about being punished. I'm also not a fan of carrying a one-sided conversation by repeating the "un-heard's" question. It's better to try to work the info into the narration. Nice writing, and I like the voice. :)
01/19/10
Aww, this was so unfair on the lad. Sounds like an armed forces' punishment (remembered having to do fatigue duties for a small misdemeanour). Really enjoyed reading your story. Mum was too strict by far! Colin
01/19/10
Since putting that first comment on I have been chastened and had to repent The heading for my Bible reading this morning was: Correct your child. viz. You're destryong your child's motivation ....when you allow them to think they don't have to work.... further viz. God corrects His children; you need to correct yours. Hope my punishment isn't dishes - I'll stick 'em in the dishwasher.

Colin
01/19/10
Very realistic voice for your MC... kind of had an "aw, shucks" kind of feel to it... I felt sorry for the boy for getting punished twice over the same bottle of pop.
01/21/10
Congratulations on placing in your level! Have you checked out the Writing Challenge forums?