The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
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Date
This is so touching! I enjoyed reading it and wondered where you were going with it. I would love to hear more!
12/13/09
May be my mood, but this choked me up, and brought a tear to my eye. Made me feel so sad for him, and what could have been. Wonderful characterization - and yeah, I would have found stuff, but the heart of this is excellent.
12/14/09
Wonderful display of intrigue that was easy to bring to life in my mind's eye.

Well done.
12/15/09
Your MC's colorful (or gray-scale :) ) name, "Grayson White" caught my attention. Then I had to smile at the donut description with the sprinkles counted. Yes, you kept my attention throughout, too. Very creative!
12/16/09
Excellent! Loved the MC you created.
12/16/09
Excellent work and so very, very vivid. Definitely a favorite for the week.

The first paragraphs seemed to have a couple of run on sentences, but framed the autism? of the MC very well. I think that the use of more specific numbers like "519 cabs" or the like may have reinforced the "counting" device as well.

All in all an extraordinary read, very poignant and, like life, unresolved. Power writing that demands an emotional response from the reader at its best.
Excellent characterization in this touching story and great reminder that there's a story behind each life.
12/16/09
Oh, this is good fiction. Leave me with so many questions, but what you gave me is awesome. Love the "Cash Cab" reference - and I was caught off guard by the direction the story took from there. Well Done, Sir!
12/16/09
oops - by the time I got to the wonderful ending, I forgot that I wanted to mention your first sentence. I think you can make it a lot better - too much telling, and too much information-overload. But the rest was so good, it left my mind until I closed the comment window and started reading for the 2nd time. :)
Cat